I was once casually dating a guy and he showed me a nude pic of another girl he was dating. I was non-monogamous, so I wasn’t upset personally (it helped that I’m prettier than her, not gonna lie) but I was so fucking pissed *for* her. He could not get it through his head. First he tried the “it’s a sexy picture, I…

Much like South Park, Schumer fearlessly tackles taboo subjects like incest and bodily excretions, except she’s a person, not a cartoon.

a New York Jew with a copy of the Times tucked into her bag.

See even snow! She is the happiest dog in the entire world.

My dog does not relate. She loses her shit around any and all forms of water.

The best royal driving story is how the Queen drove King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia around at top speed around the royal estate. He was not accustomed to women driving and was very nervous. She was a WWII mechanic and is an excellent driver.

Right? I want eyeshadow and nail polish that color. Call it “When I Am 90.” Alternately, “Royal Green.”

Can we take a moment to discuss all of the no fucks the Queen has over wearing a bright green suit? She is my fashion idol.

daaaaaaaaaaamn, daveed.

You think that is hard. Imagine the difficulty I had typing this very sentence.

Adele might not sing songs he likes but girl can sing. I heard the tapes where it’s just her voice and it sounds so strong. There are a number of singers who use things to alter their voice only she’s not one of them.