An awesome article as ever, but for the full victim-blaming effect, your equivalent warning examples should surely be aimed at, respectively:

I have just such a business plan:

I'd like to get in on this too. In the UK, we only have plain oreos. Not even double-stuff
For just 4 boxes a month, you can really help a girl in desperate need.

Not sure I'm taking the right thing away from this story, but mint oreos? :O Are they...actually a thing? *desperately wants*

Looks like a permanent case of cellulite head. Tragic.

They radically self-gift themselves you mean

' "Young people are fired up because they are the first generation under threat of being legally aborted," Bryan says'

Exactly! Quickly, find a man who is willing to wed t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶r̶r̶i̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶o̶m̶a̶l̶y̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶p̶l̶e̶d̶ ̶l̶i̶v̶e̶s̶ our friend!

I baulked at 'unmarried' rather than just 'single' too. Despite managing to surround myself with awesome, well-educated women, this still seems to be the group approved end goal in establishing whether or not you've made a success of your life (in female hetero terms at least).

Wow, that is some terrifying bullshit right there. How can you even "appropriate" something that's living inside you?!

Wow, so this "lawyer" probably didn't even finish that SUV marathon then. Lionel Hutz perhaps? Or Bob Loblaw?

You beat me to that question. But before the legality of it, I want to know about the actual logistics. Does it just mean...the abortion (whut?) is not allowed within 500yards of a man who doesn't want his partner to have one..I...whut?

Aww, I want to visit some day, almost purely for that reason (admittedly also for the snacking).

Yep. I loved those 'Wee Britain' episodes. And the fact that Brits and Scots often have to be subtitled on US TV. I find myself having to subtitle American programmes sometimes though (A.D included). Common language my butt...

I really like Adele. I think one of her great charms is the fact that she speaks with possibly the roughest cockney accent of any Brit celebrity, and then has this crazy spine-tinglingly soulful voice. See also: Dido.

'...their sweet little Essex accents'

Wow. First time I've ever heard that phrase used without irony. You scallywag Yanks!

That's probably what that coded warning was about. "Repent, or become part of my giant hairpiece, those of you who know who you are!" Amen.

I'm crying with laughter reading this and the comments. Long live cynicism.

Secrets and eagle eggs. For safekeeping.

This is probably just the eagle eggs in my ovaries talking, but this story makes me want to move to US and become a stripper more than anything in the world right now.