I can't believe you're defending this kid. Yeah it doesn't seem like a huge crime from the stand point of someone from America, but I had a friend bit down a toothpick someone had left in a bag of doritos once that impaled itself into the roof of his mouth and had to be removed and stitched at the ER (in the US of…

I grew up in the UK, but I work in finance so most of our staff is foreign, and lots of Americans come here to work in the City (and vice-versa, lots of Brits go to Wall Street). It never fails to amuse me when people put that they were a member of Sigma Epsilon Alpha or whatever on their CV (Résumé). I was a member…

You're right. This isn't just petty shopflifting, he's putting sharp objects in other people's food. I mean, who knows, maybe a guy would be too busy to even notice a toothpick floating around in there and take a bite, only to find he has two more breathing holes in his mouth in his mouth.

Some of the dumbest, most vapid and vain women I've known were in sororities.

I would show up everyday with wet hair in a bun, no makeup on, and my pajama pants on just to piss these girls off.

Hate to break it to you: I don't teach a class with quizzes, exams, etc. I teach a writing class, and know the difference (or have technology to catch the difference) between plagiarized work and original papers.

Hate to break it to you, but a lot of them get your class info from former sisters (and brothers). Old quizzes, exams, notes, etc. All kept on file for future reference. I'd ace the class too if I had all your old exams.

I think this is what bothers me most. It's like carrying every insecurity you had in high school over to the college level, when college is supposed to be the time where you start figuring out how to not give a fuck.

What I heard: The most important thing to learn in college is conformity. It is not the time to experiment with ideas and finding your style! If you want to advance to the basic bitch big leagues when you graduate now is them time to stop thinking and start bronzing.

I'm thinking they meant the "scrunched" style, considering they are asking girls with naturally curly hair to "curl" their hair. I wonder what they think of ethnic hair...or were these girls just left out entirely?

Oh, man. I mean, you're only young once and there's usually only one point in your life when you can really wear whatever the fuck you want and do whatever to your hair, and experiment to find what you like and what makes you happy... these directives look to stifle all individuality and make me sad.

This right there makes ME want to hunt him down and beat the shit out of him.

Oh god, fucking French tips. I live on Long Island and when you want to look REAL CLASSY, your first move is the French tip. Think Long Island Medium!! Apparently no one understands that short, neat nails are like, perfect and apprope in any setting.

This exactly. This is not a story about a kid that steals snacks like it's a joke, to hell with the article headline. Once you start tampering with other people's food, there are not enough terrible things I can wish on this person.

You arrive at college. You have been ripped away from all of your support systems at home. Maybe you didn't have much of a support system at home. You are confused and lonely and wobbly and excited and don't even know where your feet are.

The thing that made my blood boil was the eyeglass part. YOU CAN PULL MY EYEGLASSES FROM MY COLD, DEAD FACE YOU REGINA GEORGE CLONE!

I love Sorority girls' penchant for fancy-ing up even the most mundane of details. "GOD BECKY THIS DRESS ISN'T PURPLE YOU DUMB BITCH IT'S CLEARLY AUBERGINE."

I kept reading polish week as Polish week, in which case I imagine the prep is less manicure and more:

523 episodes later: "You find him yet? ALMOST THERE!"

If the stealing is all he did, it would be one thing. Tampering with food with the toothpicks and such makes it a much more serious matter, and not a joking thing really. It's not just that they would "find" the toothpick, but it would cause injury. Ever bite down on something with a broken toothpick in it? It's far…