“This is exactly why I am such a strong advocate for people being allowed to openly carry guns when visiting zoos.”

I’ll tell you who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma. My parents, Martha Stewart and William Shakespeare.

He died doing what he loved...

“Heat Check” and “Fam”? Fuck, I’m getting old. This doesn’t even seem like English anymore. Just put me out to pasture, already.

These are the few “true fans,” the tourists, who will be sprinkled amongst the empty seats in Vegas:

Weird, I thought being rude and ignorant was a selling point for a conservative media personality.

Not surprised that UNC is trying to take the high road here; the Loh road was already occupied.

I thought it was because the predominant opinion in Mississippi is that separating it and going with just the whites was better for you.

Let’s get this out of the way:. Anyone who makes a comment in the realm of “This is football. What a bunch of pussies” is an asshole.

Next up: segments for male co-hosts to demonstrate power tools, while the girls exclaim “Wow!! I could never handle so much power!”. Followed by cooking segments by the girls and serving the food to the men for taste tasting and tasteful criticism.

Another job well done by the Make-a-Wish Foundation! Hope lil Tony enjoys his time with his heroes!

DEVASTATING. So close, yet so far away.

Roland Capers sounds like the name of a college point guard...

The Texans need a QB, you say? The Texans have a 1st round pick, you say? BOB used to be the OC in New England, you say?

In 20 years I can guarantee you no one will know nor care about Ed Sheeran or Bruno Mars anymore.

When the word “inoffensive” is used to describe music, it’s not a compliment. I doubt whether even Sheeran’s devoted hatedom would compare his work to supermarket Muzak.

The NCAA sucks and all, but it isn’t crazy to put some onus on the athlete and school to prevent this, otherwise it is subject to the athlete asserting that he or she didn’t affirmatively approve the conduct, but potentially receiving under-the-table consideration for it. In practice, it probably isn’t a terrible…

You can’t make money off players’ likeness! Only we can do that!!!

Actually, I hear Pence’s search history is filled with restaurant porn, which shows the delights and perils that await unsuspecting men who dine with women other than their wives. Kinky shit, and it explains a lot.

Because when you want hard-hitting perspective about how the world really works, you go to a 24 year old blond who's putting together an audition reel for a sweet FoxNews gig.