Anyone who says "American values" with a straight face gets an auto-side-eye from me. 10-to-1 they're talking about how awful dem emmagrumps are or something something hell in a handbasket.

Hatred and vitriol? I haven't seen anyone say they wish she would burst into flames or anything, though those comments probably exist. For me, it's her complete obliviousness that rankles. I could laugh at the ridiculousness of her cookbook, but when she said her life was tougher than that of a mom with a nine-to-five…

You know, if her products are well-made, designed, and reasonably-priced, even the most avid Goop-poop throwers will be happy to buy them, I'm sure. But if they are ridiculously expensive, made in sweatshops, and come in a range of size 00-2, scorn will be heaped, and justly so.

Dora [the Explorer] was certainly something of a success...

When I told my husband about this, his first reaction was to criticize the wife for recording, too. We will have words.

Bette, I tried to be nice last time, but seriously. If you don't stop punching down, it's going to look more like a desperate bid to stay relevant via mean-ass shit that was barely funny 3-5 years ago. Please stop!

Rush is an idiot, but he's not entirely wrong about Sierra Leone being founded by ex-slaves. Simon Schama's Rough Crossings discusses this in detail. Britain's problematic attempts at relocation the enslaved who escaped colonial masters and fought on the British side during the Revolution is sort of a precursor to…

She replied: "I'm entitled to do that."

I still have a soft spot for BTB (better than Brad), so I hope he eventually dealt with his many issues and found happiness. I doubt it, though- he didn't really have the emotional vocabulary for what he was wrestling with, much less the self-awareness necessary to seek help.

I fully endorse the notion that having children reveals fault lines in a relationship, but I also think there's no way to REALLY prepare yourself for the changes. You can read all the books you want, but it will still be overwhelming more often than not, especially the first year.

I remember Bette cracking a similar joke back in the day about Madonna, something like:

Bette, I love you, but maybe Twitter isn't the medium for you. Your jokes work best in person. You could say just about anything, but the twinkle in your eye and your sassy, kittenish delivery make people feel like we're all in on the joke.

Raiders of the Lost Ark

I must have known on some level that the "great lover" and "great looking" subsets didn't overlap very often.

On the bright side, the inconvenience and unpleasantness might push people into finally getting behind passenger rail in a big way.

I once had a torrid, three-year relationship with a guy that was seriously hotter than Brad Pitt at peak Legends of the Fall. I am not kidding. The sex was frequent, lengthy, and phenomenal.

I am TOTALLY going to find that Cary Elwes book, but against my better judgment I am also going to find "Simplicity Parenting" by Kim John Payne. Pretty sure it's just going to tell me to be a better housekeeper if I want my kid to do better in school, but I'd be happy to hear from anyone else who has read it. I'm…

This is me and all of you punks that are leaving me.

I didn't think people were going to start being anorexic because I put my daughter's clothes on.

Apparently, the Egyptians used peach pits as IUDs. Makes potatoes look a bit pedestrian, is all I'm saying.