I bought into that whole "trust your body to fulfill its primal biological destiny" thing and ended up having a failed natural home birth after three days of back labor that ended in a hospital transfer and unwanted cesarean. Yeah, most pregnancies can end in an unmedicated vaginal birth if that's what mom wants but…

THIS IS NOT A DRILL, PEOPLE! WE ARE AT DOUCHECON FIVE!

As though Mark Zuckerberg is obliged to tip you more than I am even if we receive the same service:...

Even easier than that: download a free tipping app on to your phone. This is 2015, we have the technology.

In the summer of 2013, I had spent 8 Very Long, Very Hard years in graduate school and was a mere two weeks away from defending my Ph.D. My monogamous husband of 8.5 years went over to visit our closest couple friends' of 5 years house to drink and play video games while I worked on all of my dissertation shit.…

"Sorcia, I'm in love with your best friend [a dude with a hilariously ridiculous name that I cannot post here]. We're moving to Virginia and I hope you'll be happy for us."

Honestly - not because he was an asshole to me - but in my objective opinion he's a terrible writer. I don't know why he would value that letter so much, it wasn't even full of bad metaphors and waxing poetics, it was just sort of straightforward emotions like 'guilt' and 'angst' explored with pretty simple language.

He would've saved himself a lot of time if he'd just said-

"Hey, this is Jacks and I want to do butt stuff."

Internet hug for you, internet friend:

My kids hunt their own food. The Paleo diet works!

Yup. If a diet requires eliminating an entire food group, it's bullshit. OH WORD? BREAD IS POISON? Maybe tell that to the hundreds of generations of people who have survived on it since the dawn of agriculture. Also make sure to tell modern civilization that it exists thanks to poison. Now go die and let me eat my…

Chemicals...

What?

I sent this link to my boyfriend on gchat and said "I can't wait to see what tonight holds!!!!!!!!!!" He still hasn't responded...sometimes he's not as amused by my humor as I am.

Kayleigh Davis:

I couldn't stop watching it. My mom was in a cult and I grew up around extreme Christian homeschoolers and wannabe Mennonites. That twee, super sunny, cheerful but incredibly tough survivor of spiritual abuse...I know that girl!

It's from "The Princess Bride". It was a metaphorical slap in the face.

as a too-old-to-throw-tantrums child, 8 or 9, after a day hiking, Dad would not let me bring my walking stick home in the car. My filthy, rotting, branch I'd been using as a walking stick. Complete meltdown, screaming sobbing in the mud;

I worked the drive thru at McDonald's as a teenager. I was the perky, "Have a super day!" girl on staff that I'm sure everyone hated. I'm positive they were staring at my back, silently wishing the swift and inevitable crushing weight of adulthood on my chipper demeanor. Who could blame them?