OH MY GOOOOODDDD THIS IS MY DREAM RESTAURANT. If I had a nickle for every idiot who said "I'm looking at your menu online, can you read it to me?" I could build a nickle mountain and ski down it, laughing with insane glee.

"And here is our garden."

This isn't me, but it was a guy I was dating at the time. We had vermicelli for dinner. There was one little dried bit of vermicelli stuck to the botom of the pot. Boyfriend, who was always cleaning pots and pans with his hands first to "save sponges" (WTF even is that) was cleaning it and decided to scrape the piece…

Oh Christ, where do I begin?

i want to call it right now, that is the dumbest thing i've ever heard.

Well, my now husband and were having pizza one afternoon. After we were done eating, one thing lead to another and I starting giving him a good ol BJ. I was horny, so was he, so I got on top and started riding away, enjoying ourselves. Then I felt a slight burning sensation. I was like, oh whatever, it'll go away.…

What's with the raised eyebrows thing that the boys are doing now? They're going to look like Gordon Ramsey if they keep that up.

There's nothing better than achieving yogurt.

If he is "yougurting" so often my question is does he even know what a real vagina feels like?

"He is obviously mentally ill. Clearly we must redouble our efforts to discuss the state of mental health care in America. There must be redoubled discussions. We must discuss this. He needs help. We must help him. The poor man. The poor, poor dear. Nobody could have seen this coming. He was always such a nice, Chr…

"The Daily Mail: Lower All of Your Expectations!" would be a great tagline.

Lingerie clad or not, a party of 150-200 teenagers sounds completely insufferable.

Life motto: curse like a sailor but don't name your kids Sailor

I'd be sympathetic if she had pointed at another patron's table and asked for bread rolls. The woman in this story claimed she'd eaten them before, though, and her friends said the only reason they'd come was for the "free bread." Since they got a comped appetizer that time around too, I'm actually inclined to…

Is the ranch dressing served in a monogrammed coffee thermos by an aggressive Italian waiter who wants to eat all your bread unless the Russian patriarch can save it first?

Are you telling me that every week there is a room with both Donald Trump and Piers Morgan in it at the same time? We let this happen more than once?

More people need to come out and say how difficult marriage is.

I admit, I could never make this look this good: