The fuck would I be doing in New Jersey?

$6 Wentz...Non The Richer

“That was the worst fight I’ve ever seen. Absolutely brutal.” - Dwight Howard

If he keeps that type of behavior up I bet the NBA will have no choice but to make him an owner.

Vince Williams: [falls in gorilla cage]

*A rabid Mike Shanahan, red-faced and grimacing, rushes out of his condo, picks up the ball and angrily heaves it back over the fence*

This is a reasonable and correct take and has no place in Kinja.

Cool Story Bro: Was at a Bed Bath and Beyond in Houston several years ago, and out of the corner of my eye, this ball goes bouncing down the aisle, quickly followed by what I could only assume at the time was an alien spacecraft, a giant silvery blur. A few seconds later, Dikembe comes strolling back, ball in hand in…

Help! I’ve Fallon and I can’t get up!

Tell you something you fuck: I have congenital heart disease—my left heart is larget than the right, I have a hole in one ventricle, and even just walking tightens my chest. And I’m just 18.

Bullshit.

Grant had some positives, but he is not usually thought of as a particularly competent president.

Samer: Well, that about settles it! Anything you want to add before we leave, Harry?
Harry: When’s my dad coming back?
Samer: Look man, we’ve been over this. A.J. doesn’t work here anymore.

White Men Can’t Jump Can Work Together To Sort Of Dunk The Ball

I got to play with Pearl in the summer of 86, right after he got drafted by the Nets. My father was a coach who had a camp at Pace University in Manhattan. He had coached against Pearl in HS and coached him in AAU ball. I played hockey, but since I was living with my dad that summer I ended up going to his hoops camp…

Oh God, not them too?!

Damn all them clowns hugging the greatest

Come on now, Houston. Don’t you wish you had another ring? I know I do.

The guy about to commit suicide in the background really adds to the mise-en-scène.