God, I can’t wait to see Joel Embiid play in these jerseys in six years.

Reports out of Alouettes training camp say that Michael Sam was having a hard time adjusting to his role in the 12-man CFL defensive scheme, where teams generally employ a fifth defensive back.

“I really don’t want anybody to know where I’m at all the time or what I’m eating. Then they’ll try to taste my soup. I don’t try to taste their soup. They’ll all try to take a big bite out of my sandwich.”

At last, video evidence that 2:24 is faster than 2:26.

“When we were in residency in Florida, Brandi would say, ‘Tony, can we get a couple of vans and go over to watch the [MLS’s] Tampa Bay Mutiny?’ We would get the vans, but it was her idea. She just wanted to watch top-level soccer.”

As a hospitality employee you know that there are some people who just come in to bitch. You can see it as soon as they walk in the door. Apparently, those people also visit the comments section...

Are we sure this isn't just Nick Kroll?

If you’re reading this as “the Hawks suck,” you’re not reading it at all.

the JR “pipe” thing is the new “Delonte fucked Lebron’s mom”, huh? it has to be posted on literally every article concerning him in any way?

Was over at a friends house a few weeks ago, he had his mother and step-father in town from the east coast. Dinner and wine was great, he put out fancy chocolate for dessert. Everyone is just sitting around the dinner table, telling stories, the usual bull.

1. B

Nick Bodell

Putting us on notice that another moron will be talking about sports.

Posted this on a friend’s page. Small talk immediately before today’s Nats game on CSN. Bob is the straight man, FP Santangelo the color commentator:

It’s a metaphor for Mitt Romney’s whole life: it's been set up in his favor from day one, and yet he still doesn't do much with it.

“With this magic schedule, I can squeeze it in between kickball and cornhole!”

Hearing “SEC” uttered, Dan Gilbert immediately bolted from Quicken Loans Arena.

I’d feel bad for Noah, because Jones seems committed to kicking his ass. However, he can easily hide from Cardale by taking refuge in one of Ohio State’s many academic buildings.

I’ll admit that woman made a pretty stupid statement, and the state of the American educational system is fucked, but goddamn, I’m tickled pink to read a comment from a German who, without a trace of irony or self-awareness, states that he wants someone arrested for saying what she thinks. Great shit, man. Thanks for…