This is like the pot calling the kettle a piece of shit.

What a stupid tweet. Do they not realize how expensive mules are?

"It's unfortunate, but they didn't live up to this team's values. If there's one thing the Texans won't stand for, it's—" [is sacked]

"There is no place in football for that stuff."

"Hmmm, maybe I can't make it in the NBA."

When reached for comment, Adam Wainwright called the attacks "Mickey Mouse stuff."

Jesus, it seems like the construction workers on this project just can't catch a break, or a falling piece of rebar, or an elevator counterweight.

All he has to do is stand next to the one man in Washington more loathsome than he is.

People have called me racist, but it's true: you just can't trust a Rhinaman.

Also, if you have a picture of Peyton Manning's naked bootleg, please email us. We'll pay you $307.80 for it.

Man, I don't even like Dane Cook but the piling on at this point is just kinda sad and overdone.

I'm glad to see Carl's Twitter matches the insanity of these ads.

Ha, that looks like Kyle Singler getting up at the end.

Yours is probably better.

"Come on, Deadspin, getting injured from the clap is no joke." - Keith Richards

"For too long, our likenesses have been used in video games without our permission. Today, we've struck a blow against a system that refuses to recognize us." - QB #6

But, um, did you happen to receive a goddamn horse? Oh, you didn't? Well guess who did get a horse?

Chris Johnson eagerly travelled to Orlando the next day, hoping that lightning would strike twice.

Baseball players are renowned for fooling around, having groupies, cheating on their wives, and stuff like that, so it's actually kind of nice to see one go to Church.

Gallant takes off his oppponent's helmet before they fight.