“Because eventually, you’re gonna be the guy being dragged off the plane. And that man by the window will not help you. And then the plane will crash.”

To add insult to injury, now they have to wait a full year for Santa gigs at local malls

“How could they let that get out??”

So after reading about scatter bands I learned thats its for people who can’t march in time and who aren’t funny enough for the college sketch/improve group

That’s beyond posterization. That wouldn’t even look good on a poster.

Shit, I wish Rob Ryan was my stepdad.

This is a slightly expansive reading of the word ”famous.”

And to think, they’re not even the most empowered group of wizards in Washington.

Why is he shown in front of a Rochester Americans jersey in that photo? Leave the Amerks out of this!

Gwynn’s death scared some players straight—Curt Schilling published a letter to his younger self warning that the chewing tobacco would eventually lead to mouth cancer

Jesus Christ, that’s Jason Bourne.

I agree that Trump’s a shitheel, but holy mother of God, this level of masturbatory self-importance would make Kanye blush.

The Billsiest thing ever will be when they upset the Raiders next weekend and then get knocked out of playoff contention by the Browns. It all works together.

Don’t worry, Hue, you’ve got emotional company.

Janoris: “Your wife is ugly. Your dad is a murderer.”

this guy is the fuckin joe buck of cricket

I love how you make this the focal point and you don’t even mention how, after the play, the back helmsman decapitated 17 geese with his longsword to secure 15 toggle points, which, by the way, the priest converted easily into 2 victory runes.

This must be because of Essexshire’s Centre Right-Back Nigel Smyth-Yardley’s controversial and deeply unpatriotic decision to kneel when they play God Save the Queen. Or not kneel. Whatever the fuck you’re not supposed to do for the Queen.

That’s rude to Drew

How can your vote “not matter” and “send a message”? Just fucking vote you goddamn assholes.