There's a lesson here about smoking too much and posting on the Internet, but I'm too high to remember it.

And as the cool autumn winds started picking up speed, Billy Ray walked silently up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder, “Anything to harvest this year Miley?”

While the headline is totally truthful, it’s also somewhat misleading on an initial read. When I hear of prisoners being released, I think that means from prison all together. Sure, they were released from death row and put back into regular prison, but surely there’s a better phrasing for that?

A “curated” Spotify list? For the love of all that is holy, can we stop misusing the word curated?? I was married to a fucking curator. He didn’t make playlists - he ran a museum.

I thought I'd run out of fucks, guess not. Seriously, fuck that woman beating fuck and his idea that a man being a father to his child is a noble rarity. Fuck his stupid face for perpetuating woman as gold digger fuckery. Time to hate drink my coffee. I just fucking hate this fucking fuck.

“Highest praise to men who actually want their kids.” OH YES GOOD JOB YOU DESERVE ALL THE PRAISE FOR “ACTUALLY WANTING” YOUR KID AUUUGHHHH I HAVE NO PATIENCE TODAY.

Of course there is a Comic Sans one.

Write all the things you want to do. Ask others to do them and sleep until they finish doing them. Sleep as long as you can.

Eagerly awaiting all the people with poor reading comprehension who will see that Jezebel posted an essay on false allegations and immediately assume we are arguing that they are unimportant/nonexistent (despite this entire essay being written to say the opposite)—but I mainly came down here to say that I thoroughly…

At least he died doing what he was indifferent to.

This is like Dr. Walter Palmer opening a petting zoo and then being like “What’s the big deal?” when kids are horrified that the animals are actually stuffed mounted heads.

Based on the inanity of your post and your user name, I can only assume that there is a sentient orangutan on a computer somewhere making a steaming pile of Kinja to throw at the wall.

Planned Parenthood IS women’s health, you decrepit, balding, pasty pieces of shit.

From the linked article:

Who would have guessed that the girl we described, was just exactly what Ben’s penis prescribed? Now Jen Garner found her disgusting - she let her go! And now Ben’s on top of her thrusting - His rep says ‘no!’ She’s the lady in bed, next to Ben Affleck: the man of her dreeeeeeams.

Theres a cook book called Thug Kitchen, what do you expect from white people, Kara? Black people should start doing bets on what the next cornball shit some white hipster will come up with. I’m putting my money on Blake Lively coming out with vintage slave collar/choker for her antebellum nostalgia line.

Weeper of the House.

The problem comes when extroverted people berate their children, friends, and acquaintances for being abnormal and inadequate, according to the false standard that extroversion is “normal” and introversion is “antisocial” and diseased....which frequently leads to introverted people growing up to feel inferior and…

Cum-mencement.