Ahhh...right on time...this train is never late. I guess someone has to "be that guy"

So what you're saying is..."Don't use Twitter"

SCREW GOVERNMENT IT'S FOR COMMUNISTS!!!

Wait, you aren't aware that the vast majority of the country is against the government shutting down and polling shows that the vast majority of the country also blame conservatives?

Yes they do. A lady friend of mine was a bass player for a local band and used to get messages like this alllll the time. A few of us had access to the bands account though, and when we had spare time we would track down and forward the messages to their parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, grandparents etc. and let…

If a guy did this to me, I would punch him in the dick so hard that it would cause the good folks at Oscar Meyer Weiners to go into bankruptcy.

The bakery's silent partner was not available for comment.

I crawl like Gollum to protect them.

Yes, but the whole point is that sometimes you forget to take out the most recent stick when you're done with the last one. I use a butter bell but I definitely still need this trick once in awhile.

Again: Shut the hell up. I didn't say shred the lettuce; I said chop it. As it, make it smaller than its original size, using a knife. There is no practical, nondogmatic reason to tear it with your hands whatsoever, which makes you a moron.

Oh my God, shut the hell up. It is impossible that a person with a grownup life could care about this. Do you eat the bowl? Then what the fuck difference does it make? Ceasar salad is food. What matters is what it tastes like.