ODB’s been dead 12 years? Damn. Also, that is ancient news in gossip terms.

“Me and Mariah go back like babies and pacifiers”. I coulda told you that about ODB.

or, you know, turning his goddamn plate over and checking the back

No offense, but I’ve worked with nurses and... I wouldn’t be inclined to take medical advice from them. #notallnurses and all that

Okay but if that self-cleaning kitchen floor thing comes through I want to know about it.

here’s where it came from

Hm funny she says that because I usually like to take my new ugly ass tunics to the tailor and have them cut giant holes in front of my pussy. For the air.

Until her legs are broken for talking too much.

The worst part is, like . . . how do you get over your divorce without being able to listen to Ryan Adams?

Exactly! Like, is it passable as clean? You’re good to go.

I hope he has a sibling with the middle name Rumple, to complete the reference.

Hugh John Mungo Grant. Mungo is now a thing I’m going to call people. Look at this Mungo over here.

MORE good news - She boils her pasta in smartwater

I have asshole skin but THAT’S never an option on those websites

There are hormones in lots of drugs that aren’t estrogen, yes, or meds that affect hormone production, so how would Kris know?!? If my husband had said that to me, I’d never ever think he meant he wanted boobies.

I miss the Weekly World News.

I wish he could train the rest of his family to stop being such a waste (Yeah, I see the Bouncer coming for me, bye...)

Jennifer Aniston probably farts a lot then.

4 hit wonder..... Bwhahahaha