This is what happens when you cut ecological funding. We need proper sexual education!! Won’t someone think of the poor marsupials???!!!

Here you go:

Ugh, I would NEVER buy one of these.

I think Streep has a very dry and coy sense of humour. And what does one thing have to do with another?

Oh my god my heart rate has been erratic on my fit bit recently too. But I’m pretty sure it’s an adderal combined with too much coffee baby. Follow me at @AdderalCaffeineFitBitBaby

Those actually weren’t their dogs until they got there. “You get a dog! You get a dog! You all get a dog!” People drive uhauls to the staff meetings.

Actually there has been quite a bit of research showing that during the 3rd trimester of pregnancy the vaginal flora changes to mimic that of gut flora. Additionally, there has been some quite good research on this despite Jez’s lack of science reporting:

You’re missing a point.

We are getting more and more women requesting this where I work and we (midwives, doctors and theatre team) do all we can to help facilitate it. We are also doing delayed cord clamping at section (when it is safe to do so) and skin to skin in theatres. It is great, good for babies, good for families. What is not to…

They’re like Kegels for your brain.

Well, despite all the obvious and overwhelming evidence.....That’s a lot of exclamation points so...I guess he’s innocent guys. Boy, do I feel embarrassed. In fact, I don’t even need a verb. Bill Cosby innocent. I wrong. We all wrong. They liars.

Kanye West doesn’t care about women people.

Now WAIT of course we don’t want children to be sick, no! We are going to prioritize things exactly in the right order now that we know dogs are sick too. So I have a quick follow up question. Are the children poor? Mostly? hmmmm hmmmm okay okay. Gotcha. No, no, of course that makes no difference! We care about…

Dogs with lead poisoning? Now Snyder will have to resign.

My first thought on reading this was that I know 2 people who will be torn up about the dogs but wouldn’t give a second thought to the people.

I can’t believe your crystals didn’t remind you to bathe them properly at the new moon. Mine are quite chatty about it, and if I don’t do it, they will mess with my jade eggs and then my first and second chakras don’t get supercharged enough for me to have the proper amount of meditative orgasms during tantric sex!…

Don’t worry! Just make an emergency crystal grid for your cashews! You did remember to both saline-bathe and moon-bathe your crystals this month, right? Otherwise, you’re screwed.

And on weekdays I gotta activate my cashews via my ISP (they are diversifying) it is a miracle if I can get my nuts activated at all

She seems to have a healthy detachment from reality as evidenced by basically her entire life.