I'm just sad for Jay z and Beyonce. This will be very hard for them.

I could eat Star Crunches for my entire life. I have way more of a sweet tooth.

I would put Devil Cremes lower, but that's my Top 6 as well. And yes. Freeze the Swiss Cakes.

I hear Obama made them all fake birth certificates.

Dopeness in General is my band name/first novel title/new neck tattoo.

Here to say I wish Oprah had just broken into "Let it Goooooo, Let it GOOOOOOO!" after saying "let it go" those coupla times.

I. Holy Shit.

I would like to show Uma my work and see what she says about me. Or Madonna, for that matter. That'd be even easier since apparently things that naturally appear on your body count as art.

The highest compliment.

This is awesome. The fucking brush hairs all over your face. Unreal. Everything about this is great.

I believe so, yes.

BearsLoveHoney, True American Hero.

I can't tell you how happy I am that everyone involved resisted writing "Kardashians Kancelled".

Ohhhhh man, does he wear those willingly?

I, THE SOUTHERN ELEPHANT SEAL, AM THE WORLD'S BIGGEST CARNIVORE! STAND DOWN, SIR!!!

Isn't 40 pounds the weight limit for a booster? He's perfectly safe.

Oh, man, what if you cracked it and it was ALIVE?!?

I was joking.

I am 90% sure I saw this baby on the cover of Weekly World News in 2003.

Asthma, Allergies, Ear Infections < Measles, Mumps, Rubella