we get along really well with one set of neighbors...but we have an unofficial “no plans more than 24 hours in advance” rule. That way, when they come over for drinks it’s cool, but you don’t have to deal with that existential dread of “oh gawd, we’re supposed to see the Jesperson’s this weekend...”

Girlfriend with the same name as sister guy has a move open you didn’t explore...

Glad to see this story. It was scratching the back of my brain that this was a scam (not literally a scam, but an unwinnable sucker bet), but unlike with poker and the lottery, I didn’t have any data to back that up, so I’ve actually been tempted to dip my toes in. Temptation cured.

This seems like a Bizzarro-Chuck Norris Facts opportunity.

It’s a new-ish Gawker thing, where they (intentionally?) misunderstand something because it’s something the plebes in flyover country watch. That way the Kool New Yawk Kidz in Brooklynville or West Haberdashery won’t think they’ve gone Jersey on them.

Is there a Men in Blazers type show in England where two bald American expats talk about the crazy shit that happens in the NFL? Because there should...wait, forget I said anything. (Calls friend, books two tickets to London)

What about the people who are there ironically?

I love how many of the reader submitted “sick burns” about Seahawks fans involve their choice of beer brand.

gibbering incoherently

Yeah, technically he is, but FFS, you have a better chance of being elected. This guy is a has-been and is only even on the television machine anymore because we haven’t buckled down to pay attention to anyone but the freak shows.

Wow, first he takes the fall for Christie in Bridgegate, now this. He’s really proving useful in the eyes of people who have only ever watched the first 20 minutes of Goodfellas

Proving your point, as soon as I started reading the one about FedEx/UPS, I immediately remembered I had a package due today and ALT-TAB’d over to track it. Delivered, woo-hoo!

I know I’m odd, but for me the answer to the butthole thing would be: approximately 18 seconds after I wake up. I always always ALWAYS give up a floorboard-rattling fart before I even hit the bedroom door in the morning (I tend to eat late? Maybe?) If that didn’t happen, I’d know something was up, and also I would’ve…

I got no opinion on the Cowboys, but Jose should definitely forgive his friend.

I came down here to make that same comment. Actually got busted for not working I laughed so hard. Thankfully I could claim it was lunchtime.

I’ll be damned. Had always heard heroin but that was back when the intereebs were very new.

Back when my office job was “just a day job” ‘til my comedy career took off, I was pretty open and up front about “hey, I go out a lot on weeknights, schmoozing is part of the gig, etc.” The boss was pretty chill about it because she used to be in a band until life crushed her dreams, and also I was still better at…

When my 11 year old orders a steak, he says he wants it “so rare a good veterinarian could have it on its feet in 10 minutes.” He’s never seen the movie.

But...but...this is the internet!!! Aren’t we supposed to call each other Nazis now while critiquing each other’s grammar?

I’m starring this even though I can’t tell if you’re mocking me or not...