It didn’t need to get across the country at all. It would not have cared if it had lain in the same spot forever. Its creators needed to prove some bizarre point about how if you just give something to stranger after stranger after stranger, they’ll all cherish it far more than you apparently did because you gave it…

*Sees disabled homeless veteran on side of the road begging for spare change*

“Fuck you, I work hard for my money”

*Sees pile of Canadian garbage with Smiley Face drawn on it*

“Can people, out of the charity of their heart, help the least of us along our path in life?”

No, it was stupid because it was stupid.

The robot is pointless and we get to blame Philly for being the classless savages that they are. I call this a win-win

This is the same kind of mentality behind Millennial ego semen that’s been infecting our culture for a decade now. Getting the shit beat out of your vanity is called becoming an adult.

I didn’t expect to get my favorite article of the week so early, but there we are.

THIS. The only way this story could’ve been more insufferable is if somebody made a “500 Days of HitchBOT” series out of it.

Thank you for saying it. They may as well have just used a small GPS transponder. That was a robot in the same way that my IG88 action figure is.

NOT ALL PANDAS LIKE POPCORN

“If it’s some sort of consolation,” Why would this offer any consolation?

Nah, chicken salad story is BS. Everyone knows that wheat and American cheese always denotes a chicken salad sandwich. It's common knowledge in Barrow, AK, a place I once visited.

You know what is also not unheard of? Blacks being unjustifiably murdered by cops while in custody!

Dave said to me, “I’m a lot more popular then you [NOTE: true], and I have a lot more friends than you [also true], and I’ll kick your fucking ass [NOTE: result conspicuously absent].”

Stop, please...I can only get so erect.

The shooter was 21 years old. As much fun as it is to say all the racist/sexist/homophobic etc etc problems in our society can be solved by simply waiting for all our Olds to die off, these mentalities are very much alive and well in people our age and younger, as this man demonstrates.

This problem can’t be solved by…

Yeah, let’s make the poor take IQ tests before administering forced steriliza—heeeey, wait a minute...

*pulls off their masks, revealing eugenicists Francis Dalton and Karl Pearson, who shrug innocently at the camera*

I assure you that fathering 34 children is abnormal even in black communities, if you can believe it.

Pretty sure he gives a shit about himself but not others.

Me too! I have no shame / personal space, so these really weren't all that horrifying (except for the dude showing up in her apartment).