*torches you* AND YOU'RE CREME BRULEE NOW, MUTHAFUCKA!

Are you suggesting he's a vampire? I knew it.

Go away, you're ruining our fun.

Well, Japan was enjoying over 200 years of peace as a closed off civilization with a narrow trade window just outside Nagasaki. Then the WHITE AMERICANS led by Matthew Perry (not the actor) in 1853 threatened to bomb the shit out of Japan unless it opened its doors to trade with the white devil.

IF I DROOL INTO YOUR STUPID PIE, IT WOULD TASTE THE SAME AS IF I DIDN'T. PIE IS DUMB.

*inundates you with links proving that cheesecake ir a cake or a pie* IT'S IN THE NAME-CUSTARD-GRAHAM-BAKING!

...How? Binge-watching for sure, and my job is reading fiction, and yes, binge-watching.

I have two cats who I sing to on the regular and not once did I vote for being a cat lady. side eyeing

You're that person who wants to watch the world burn that Michael Caine warned us about.

It just so happens that creepy white uncle smiles shining through octopi beaks is my fetish. Let's do this.

I think Skype sex is also anxiety-inducing, especially for women.

I have been to exactly one wedding with good food. It exists only to taunt me at every subsequent wedding. "Will I enjoy the food this time? Could this be one of those?!" Nope.

Eek, is she still married to the dude?!

I think weddings are only fun if you're very personally close to the bride or groom. A co-worker's wedding, or acquaintance, or old college friend wedding? Snore. A sibling (functional relationship)? BFF? Those are a blast.

You sound like a very intelligent person who has expertly justified the wrong decision to back free porn in this horse race. Still the wrong decision. FILTHY FANFIC FOR THE WIN.

Are you sure? It could be a good way to get people interested in libraries again.

IMAX even makes bad movies seem good. Except for Jupiter Ascending, which was just too much and I never cared throughout.

Restaurant wins. Taken as a percentage, I've had more pleasant experiences at restaurants than I've had making out with strangers. Though one of my crowning memories is making out with a stranger as a bar, he was the exception to the rule.

Oh my gosh, I got an email from President Pulpo his/her self! <smitten>

Eggplant Friday got robbed, is what it is.