I can’t believe the ham sandwich stayed in the helmet.

Blake Bortles.

My sister moved to Canada with her husband and kids, and now I never hear from her because the Canadian telecom system is so screwed up it costs like 75 bucks in whatever pea-meal-bacon-based currency they use just to say “hi” across the border. I suspect the power their switchboards with beavers running on a…

Good luck hitting off Bartolo Colon; he leaves nothing on the plate.

I used to play pretty seriously. The rules are simple. The main goal is to achieve “The Queen’s Errand,” or have the most netted balls by the end of the crow’s watch. If the pepper is placed in your path, you have to wheel the cranberry using only the poetic side of your bike. The lines on the court indicate the…

I wish you would step back from that hot take, my friend.

Weirdly, this account is followed almost exclusively by Camptown ladies.

“I’ve spoken with Native Americans across this great country. Two, in particular, really resonated with me. Their names were Tibia and Fibula from the Snapcreek Nation, and they just shattered me with their enthusiasm for the name. Absolutely cracked me up.”

SOURCES: Cuban beside himself.

His face is bad. Bad face for boning. He looks like Susan Boyle.

Ian Desmond counterpoint

traveling

I think a LOT of bears are going to have a good time this weekend.

So is Team Manatee:

I express many thanks for awarding of American Cup of Hockey Award and am blessed for being straddled by the thighs of Chicago. Beneath the cheese I will glaze the ham, as was the old way.

I love this article...

Evan has been one of the best writers on this site for a while. Calm your KKK tits there Cleetus.

The fucking LeBrons or whatever

I don’t want to sound like an advocate for raping your teammate to death, but in this case it would open up a spot in the infield.