Hazing: gang initiation for rich white kids.

I’ll always star a reference to my favorite grammatically correct sentence:

They’re on top of the world and are in control of the whole game, but can’t stop playing the victim card and whining like pathetic losers about how much everyone is out to get them. It’s not only annoying, it’s completely counterproductive, as they’re going to wake up soon on the bottom of the world, with no one to…

The Orioles are 4 games further back of the wildcard than they have wins.

Amazing. I want this fire to burn all season.

Things I don’t need to know how they work to enjoy them

-Skeeball
-Candy Corn
-The Marvel Cinematic Universe
-Beer
-The Female Orgasm
-The Male Orgasm
-Thermonuclear Weapons
-The slow decline of the human race
-VTEC

Yep, and on points 2 and 3, that’s not because the stadium is old, obsolete, and falling apart (it’s not), it’s because it was designed that way. This is exactly how Jack Kent Cooke wanted things. A giant stadium to cram in those seasons ticket holders, and remote enough that people would have no choice but to pay…

His profits are shrinking because of his mismanagement and it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Joke’s on you—I made that deeply unfunny comment for free because I was 19 and not yet writing for Deadspin.

Did Ryan Fitzpatrick go to Harvard? Had no idea. 

He looks like Conor McGregor after a month at sea.

I’m not even a Browns fan, but these two weeks of watching them has just been soul crushing. I legit can- How is this even possible? Also that defense is insane, but how? One moment I’m slackjawed at that final TD catch and then that.

football is a lovely sport played by lovely people. the people who run the sport are also lovely. the owners of the sport are lovely people. just a terrific bunch all around. glad to read about it, and shocked to see that one of these lovely people intentionally tried to damage another, on behalf of the lovely owners,…

Is it even possible that you think you saw what you describe here? Or do you just feel obligated as a Falcons fan to renarrate anything negative?

You guys are increasing the color contrast ever so slightly every time you post that picture to make him more and more red, aren’t you?

The only acceptable headline is "HEY DARNOLD!!!" with "Move it Football Head!!" in smaller letters underneath. 

1 if by run, pick 6 if by air.

Cool now he's gonna win a Super Bowl with New England and kill Curt Schilling.

It doesn’t take much to trick someone from Arkansas. I used to sell Cheerios there as donut seeds. 

I presume they each weigh 5,000 pounds