Oh god, these puns can really be a pain in the ass.

"HAHA! I screw over more lower-middle class citizens while simultaneously getting their votes!"

A: "I didn't know what was happening and then I just thought how did I get here?"

That's a hell of a rim job..

I've only bought things with one of those pre-paid cards, but I paid with my card. At risk? I hate not being able to use my MLBtv/Netflix subscription on anything other than my small screen computer.

Has "any of them" been said yet?

"I cannot believe we're about to lose a series to the former Supersoni-"

The guy that poisoned Toomer's Corner just won't quit, will he?

Tommy Craggs, I want you inside of me. Glorious.

Number of Jalopnik readers: 900,000,000.

I hate to peephole pidgeonhole her as soft, but that's a lot of bruises.

I must be the only one that wants a fleet of twin turbo Z's at my disposal...

"...may have ended Zakuani's season"

That man was sent by Jamarcus Russell's love of all things purple.

I see some old Chevy Astro in the rear... which scares me. I'd give 'em about tree fiddy.

Somehow, he deserves this.

The Coyotes' horn has mysteriously been put in a box labeled "TO: CANADA. NO RETURNS ACCEPTED".

As if there is any *other* way to invade a home, amateurs.

90 horsepower?? Three speed? As a child of the 90's, at least twin turbo your six cylinder..

It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down (with the morning shift) on Friday...