Please, please, please NFL: Flex the Pats-Dolphins game to the Sunday night slot. The whole country really needs to laugh right now.

Let’s all take a moment to be thankful that drama queen ref isn’t a cop.

Mike Pence approves

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

“That guy, the one who’s huge and totally ripped and considered a great athlete by NBA standards, that’s the dude I’m gonna pick a fight with!”

Schrodinger’s quarterback

Funny, he’s also known as the only guy who can prevent another Giants Super Bowl victory.

They play in a division with 3 incompetently-run franchises. They feast every fucking year.

And the only thing that can prevent another Patriots Super Bowl victory? This man:

I legit don’t know what the hell just happened. I mean how? Although imagining Rothenberger’s reaction to this does bring me a surprising amount of warmth.

*Bwamp bwam bwah bwah Doo da Doo da Doo Doo da Doo...*

And like that, the laughs of a million Steelers fans were suddenly silenced.

The ghost of Peter Campbell knows.

“What will Antonio do next? Will Chucky’s head explode in a fine red mist? Will Carr sob uncontrollably to ‘leave Britney alone’? Who IS Mark Davis’ barber? All this and more, on the next episode of ‘Hard Knocks Of Our Lives’...”

Except the one he actively campaigned for.

As opposed to the guy who did ads for the organization that supports the things you insist he opposes? Maybe he’s just stupid.

Or maybe, nobody is accusing Brees of being homophobic, per se. What they (we) are accusing him of doing is shilling for a homophobic organization. At most, maybe he is guilty by association, but at the very least, he is lending credibility to a reprehensible organization by speaking on its behalf.

Counterpoint: 99% of Catholics I know are Cafeteria Catholics.

You know the answers to all of those questions full goddamn well. Brees plays coy because he’d lose all those pitchman gigs if it were known that he actually supports Focus on the Family’s agenda.

Geaux Fuck Yourself