The NFC’s playoff was just a cascading shitshow. The Cowboys fuck the Lions. The Packers fuck the Cowboys. The Seahawks fuck the Packers. The Patriots fuck the Seahawks. You couldn’t find three fanbases more deserving of making excuses when their teams win through questionable bullshit only to have their guts stomped…

I have a Seattle transplant buddy from Madison, UWisco grad, and huge packer fan, and ho-lee shit did I gloat after the NFC title game. It was so great. I swear he was going to cry.

To be fair, most of our asshole fans have absolutely nothing to do with Columbus. We’re the only thing in Ohio worth rooting for, so we get all the assholes across the whole state.

Wolverines and Buckeyes are rivals the way my corporate VP brother with the MBA and I (a freelancer) are “rivals” at tax time.

What the fuck is it with Michigan and OSU fans? We get it, you’ve got a good rivalry, but they’re simply insane about it.

For the first time in years ever, 2014 provided us with a college football national champion

Cleveland does not equal Columbus. I’ve lived in both, Clevelanders are savages. Columbus is much more chill

I know what you mean. It’s like of all the college footbll teams in the nation, it would figure that Ohio State is the one with an asshole fan.

Fuck Ohio State.

This is really fucked up, but hot damn.

I’ve always had a fantasy where they bring out the family and kids, and when they say turn around or Let’s welcome home Corporal Marine Todd, the family turns around overjoyed and then they wheel out a casket with the flag draped over it.

I always love it when I can make people laugh, more so when they tell me. I aim to please. /sweeps a bow/ /high fives/

“roasted in a barn fire” made me cackle inappropriately loudly in my living room.

To keep the food hot?

Which part of “she wanted it hot” did you miss?

Wow, you were captain of the varsity pedantry team, right?

God I love you guys today.

Dude. When a server warns me that a dish is hot I am careful not to touch said dish with my bare hands for quite some time. Because I learned when I was about 4 years old that when I am told something is “hot” I probably don’t want to touch that thing immediately. If this woman missed that life lesson as a child then…

This is not an uncommon thing to do to make sure food stays hot all the way to the table, particularly foods like pasta that lose their heat very quickly. Hell, even when I’m making pasta at my own house the bowls go in a hot oven while the pasta cooks.

No, some customers deserve to be wrapped in a blanket and then beaten with a stocking full of soap. Other customers deserve to be killed. Until it’s practical to do those, though, burning will have to do.