“You can’t get involved and break up a fight nowadays the way lawsuits are and everything? Liable to get yourself arrested. Nah. Let’s just stand here and enjoy it. Matter of fact, get yourself a Honey Bun and while you’re at it, get me one too. Two is even better than one. That ain’t right. Look. The little one just…

She’s doing a horrible job raising that boy. The proper response would have been to yell “World Star!” then enter the fight.

A fight breaks out in Walmart between two white women and a kid, and no one does anything.

I guess you don’t fear little boy jail when you’re already in little boy hell.

Damn, that Republican primary is heating up

Fuck those two ladies. Fuck the people standing around watching. Fuck the moon. Fuck squirrels. Fuck Jim Lahey. Fuck everything.

Your coverage of the Stanley Cup is lacking

On seeing the photo, Darryl Strawberry reflexively asked Harper’s likeness for directions to the pharmacy counter.

I FUCKING LOVE MEMOIRS.

GIVE ME YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS, FOOLS.

You’re right. If you can’t free up 81 nights a year to watch a baseball team, you aren’t a real fan.

This plan ends one of two ways; if you’re lucky, it’s #2:

Or... I save money not buying tickets/parking/concessions to go see a team even its president and GM admit won’t be realistically competitive for the next three years.

ahhhhhh, the ole’ meatloaf date

Funny coming from a Penguins fan.

“Dammit, people, it take TIME to accumulate a large number of prospects that can be dealt en masse for over-the-hill veterans on long-term enormous contracts!!!! It doesn’t just happen overnight!!!! And if you lose focus for one second — ONE SECOND!!! — boom, Melvin “Don’t Call Me B.J.” Upton is a Brave and not a…

Still not as epic as this:

There’s a plan in place and we’re sticking with the plan. We can’t do what’s best for the fan.

Assuming you’re also from Michigan, I always made fun of him for kind of looking like Sloth from the Goonies. Then I felt kinda bad when he lost his eye.

Actor here: First thing, all you say is true. You’re a puppet, you’re told where to sit until you’re told where to stand, you never know if you’re doing it right, it’s constant rejection.

It speaks volumes when the eye patch is only the third dumbest tattoo on one’s head/face.