As promised, here is a guide to receiving head like a gentleman. First, a disclaimer: since people of any gender can suck dicks, and since it is annoying to write "he or she" and "his or her" all time, pretend you are getting your dick sucked by a gender-neutral person named Robin. (Bonus: you can pretend you are…

Next time I'm at my computer I will write a lengthy guide to getting one's dick sucked like a gentleman, which is a subject very close to my heart. In the meantime, all I have to say is that any time the person blowing you is also performing superhuman feats of strength is never a good time for facefucking.

"We have reached Peak Dingus, America. I know we had a really good run and that we've placed more members in the Dingus Hall of Fame than any other nation, but I can't see us ever topping this one."

If you get a storage unit for a hoarder, you are an enabler.

OK, if you're correct (and I strongly suspect you are), then that makes it an even more bizarre request to reshoot. I'm going to update the post with your comment.

"I'd really love to see a Venn diagram of "People Who Enjoy Candy Canes" and "People Who Enjoy Candy Corn," "

It has become my favorite place in the Gawker family. Even when I disagree, I do so joyfully.

as someone who has ASMR i can super confirm it's not sexual. like ffs my first trigger was bob fuckin ross.

Believe me, I understand that if you don't "get" this, it must seem really strange. Maybe kind of crazy. But for those of us who do, it's pretty great. I first discovered Maria a little over a year ago. I saw an article on ASMR I think on Vice, and there was a short video of her. I started playing the video, and was…

I've made a (very lucrative) career out of being a fat sexworker, so yeah - there are a lot of people "in to that".

Addendum to the Thanksgiving story:

My first wasn't a juggalo, but GWAR's Skulhedface was on in the background.

Shrayber is cuter than either of these spray-tanned tool sheds. Exhibit A looks like he never shuts up about the stuff he did when he was vice prez of his frat, and Exhibit B looks like a rejected bouncer from a Russian mafia-owned strip joint.

Ha, exactly what I thought. I'd kill for her outfit, and a gorgeous ski chalet in which to lounge in front of the fire while Tom Hiddleston pours me a glass of wine, because those are the only surroundings that deserve it.

Avril Lavigne is suffering from an undisclosed health issue

National Domestic Violence Hotline

I don't know... I've met Emeril several times and had the pleasure of cooking for him and eating with him at one of the restaurants I worked at, and he was great. Maybe you caught him on an off day? I'm the first to call out shitty celebrities - I've come across many, particularly in this restaurant - but he wasn't…