YES, BUT DID SHE OR DIDN'T SHE GO DOWN ON YOU IN A THEATER?!?!? I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE REALLY SKIRTING THE ISSUE HERE. [EW]

No you don't. You want floral designs and sequins everywhere. They know better.

This is now a hilarious joke I want to play on my siblings with my nieces/nephews.

You used "tomato" and "top-notch" in the same sentence. That's where I can't follow you.

And yet, when I insist on crafting while naked so glitter doesn't get all over my clothes, everyone is all "put on an apron at least!" and "this is a public park, for crissake!" PRUDES.

Consider your curiosity satiated, because it sounds like angry Christians yelling while soft rock plays in the background.

I drive a Honda Fit. If I'm right-side parallel parking, I can get that car into the tiniest of spots, first try. Left-side? I might as well be driving a mid-80s Crown Vic station wagon. And it's going to take multiple attempts and I still might not make it.

I'm a teacher. I plan to day drink all summer.

This might be the most Canadian blowjob story that will ever be told.

Everyone knows that swallowing is the only polite way to dressing-room-fuck.

I will bet right now that the winner will be a design by Pnina Tornai.

I don't know if this is the best but it might be my favourite:

I know right. Between the Reese's, the whiskey, the sex, and the omelette...SWOON. He's def one of the good ones.

Grad school, winter break I go to visit a friend from college. We end up crashing at her boyfriend's place one evening. Her boyfriend's roommate was a Marine, had just gotten back to the states after being deployed for over a year.... Yada, yada, yada, the sex was good but having a man eat out your pussy after he's…

I just keep thinking: will they believe us now? Is this finally the moment when men start to grasp the reality that women live in?

For the first one I'd make an anonymous donation to a charity in honor of the baby. They won't specify the amount and you can give her the little announcement/card they include. She'll look like a jerk if she says anything and you can make lemonade out of lemons. It's basically following the rules since you gave a…

I have the technology, but not the fucks.