Ways to Read Albert Burneko Posts:

Dammit honey Deadspin is my domain and I told you to leave me alone here

How sad could it be, really, if he always had Love?

Except in your case, the fault has to do with inches, not feet, amiright?

Intentionally accepting a fault to end a match? Welcome to every argument I have with my wife! BOOYA!

What a cruel reversal of fortune for Tiger to have to spend 24 grand to stop something from slowly going down on him.

How far can you punt a football?

Looks like somebody took the straight outta Compton.

Dry humping Cousins really isn't that unusual in Tennessee.

Obviously you have a firm grasp on funny

Also, you can totally see that the guy let go of the ball before he hit the rim. Barry, I don't know how you can sit there smugly and call this a dunk with a straight face. Oh, and also, he was travelling, but you know the refs never call that any more. This whole thing is a fucking joke.

You know, this is nice. I tried having a relationship like this with a coworker. He was all like "What's up, cracker?" and I was like "Not much, N*****". With a slowly-dawning horror I remembered that my god-given name is Anthony Saltine. Plus this guy was Jewish.

I think it depends on whether the word ends with an "-a" or an "-er." For example:

This isn't that uncommon— I hear that Mark Sanchez playfully calls some of his black teammates "n——-r," and they call him "terrible."

Hey Vinny, I've read your commenting history. You've got nothing to worry about.

He certainly knows how to properly organize brackets.

In Muhammad's defense, he claims that he and the girl were merely discussing the Hawks and the Hornets.

Transition program? Didn't anyone consider that Shabazz was the girl?

I'm a bit suspicious about this. I mean, sure, you've been a serviceable reporter for years, showing lots of grit, and hustle, and perseverance. Then, all of a sudden you have this great year out of nowhere, cranking stories out of the park like this one. I mean, someone doesn't just go from journeyman to All-Star…

How far can you punt a football?