Why do parents love dancing with the stars so much? I call it “dancing with the B list” and my mom gets legitimately angry at me.

In bad Spanish, sure. Good Spanish would be “Alma Mia.” Otherwise it’s MI alma. It’s my mother tongue and what I make my living with as a translator.

To me, the best cakes are decorated enough to be pretty, but not so elaborate that you feel bad eating them. Comb the frosting into pleasing lines, toss on some chocolate curls and add some berries and call it a day. Just make sure the cake part tastes really good. I don’t want something that looks like it belongs in…

Is it Saida, or Siada? You might want to review that hashtag...

Who is amber rose?......Who are you? Who is that houseplant? Who is a chair?

Seriously. Amber Rose flies commercial? I mean how is that even possible with how many albums she’s sol....the gross of her last big movi...the ratings on her hit TV sh...

White people: racism isn’t about us but literally everything else is.

With FOX and the Washington Times bringing their tiny little hands

“you’ve never worked with the general public before.”

I’ve been working with General Public so long, he was just Lieutenant Public when I got started.

It once was. *shakes cane*

Every time I see her name I’m like “Stop trying to make Rita Ora happen. She’s never going to happen.”

I'm more upset at the thought of her makeup rubbing onto his enormously expensive suit than any extra-marital shenanigans to be honest! Who needs to stand like that?!

For someone so dismissive of her, it’s obvious that you write Bey’s name enough to know how to get the accent over the e. Sit down, Rita.

Yeah not his hand. Also and I have no experience with this at all, but if you were having an affair wouldn’t you be more discreet with the touching and stuff? I mean isn’t the point that you have a secret that no one else knows? This seems way too open to be anything other than two tactile people.

Shit goes down when there’s a billion dollars on an elevator—and when it appears that a woman named Rita Ora

I think I love her because she ISN’T a Beyonce/Rihanna. She has just always been there in the background, and still I get so excited whenever she has a new video/appearance for that reason. It’s a nice constant realness, not too hyperbolic, just a little singing, a little dancing, and always gorgeous. (But I think she…

Sexy, yes. Iconically sexual, no. That could be Any Random Video Model/Dancer, and if it weren’t specifically posted about Ciara under a piece about Ciara, I would assume it WAS a random video model/dancer. As pretty as she is, there’s nothing distinctive about her that makes her instantly recognizable.

Well of course! For starters the empire would be divided amongst his son’s sons according to tradition which would weaken internal ties and eventually lead to the formation of the independent states of France and German-oh, wait, you meant the obnoxious radio guy who wishes he were a real rapper so hard he can taste…

I’m surprised she’s still relevant. Most of her songs are pretty average, even back in the day when she was most popular. Other than Body Party, I can’t think of any recent songs. And that’s just because I’m obsessed with this video:

Ciara needs better writers and collaborators. That’s it. She’s not particularly deep, but never in my whole ass life did I expect that from her. I don’t think she’s a drone. She just seems to follow the Beyonce school of personality, which is kinda boring but not bad. It’s very safe and a bit reductive, but it is what…