Ugh...Mr. Bubble? I can just feel myself getting a UTI looking at it. When I was a kid, it was no bueno...like putting Tide in the tub.

what are pants

How do people run 26 miles and still manage to smile?

Even though I’m on the east coast and more than awake, I had to read her bib like 5 times before I realized it didn’t say BIOTCH.

Why is a 14-year-old being called a “woman”? Sorry, but 14 is still a child. Her mother should not have taken her and left no trace. Calling a 14-year-old child a woman kind of takes away from the seriousness of the situation.

Tatum: Is there anything I can do you

I’d say it’s abuse abuse with a spiritual chaser.

1 of the (MANY) problems I have with that is this: if that’s how “Jesus” thinks, acts, & sees relationships how is that poor innocent girl ever going to recognize an unhealthy relationship? She’s been set up to fail. But maybe that’s the point?

Holy shit, a bag of dicks!

Yeah, it seems like when you get Clooney to the point of fisticuffs, then something is really wrong.

A dude with 44 Dunkin’ Donuts franchises wants a little more cash?

Why, once I was chatting with my own dear mother - okay, complaining bitterly about this and that. I exclaimed "Why didn't you just strangle me at birth?" "Well, I always assumed that eventually somebody else would do it for me," she replied.

sort of related- I told my dad a few years back I was thinking that maybe I didn’t want to have kids. His response, “Yah, I wouldn’t do it again if I had the choice.”

This is gold. Fed up service industry workers really do have some of the sickest burn skills.

It’s really the reaction that makes the burn. I have a tendency toward sarcasm in my classroom, and usually just the kid it’s aimed at gets it (and stops being an idiot). But every once in a while, the sarcasm is elevated to “burn” mostly by the reaction of the entire surrounding room. Then I feel a little bad.

Another quite possibly apocryphal gate agent story:

This story has been passed around for a looooong time. I applaud your sense of humor, but I don't think this happened to you IRL.

Not especially sick or clever, but I give myself props for not walking away and muttering to myself.

burns are great but reactions are better