treat every other driver like they are trying to kill you.

Congratulations, you have earned 100 dillars from Deadspon.

Is your name, by chance, Michael Bolton? (and I’m going to need that TPS report....)

Somewhere, a ‘STICK TO SPORTS!!1!!1!’ Deadspin commenter sits in front of a computer screen, sweating, unable to move, broken.

I asked my coworker, Tim Brady, what he thought about Trump and his plans for Muslims, and he told me to get the fuck out of his cubicle. Also I’m not a reporter. Can I still have $100?

I’m mostly just disappointed you didn’t use the full version of the lede image:

Basically. The publicity surrounding his arrest to him getting offered a prestigious scholarship.

“If you gave Jerry Falwell an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox.”

Fuck off with your reasoned logic, Spock! You know you’re on Kinja, right?

I bet the Turner’s gun store in Berdoo has a line around the block today.

Allahu Bikerbar?

They couldn't be in a better place. Loud pipes save lives.

America, I salute you. Keep being crazy.

Probably a little-known Radical Islamic Biker Cell... declaring war on all things water-cooled...

Can we get the national media to stop reporting these? They do nothing for anyone, other than advertise the perpetrator. Being aware of the situation is only helpful for locals. Knowing about it nationally does not help prevent anything, and only serves to heighten fear, and drive advertising/viewership. In fact, I…

Clip:

Yes, I’m being pedantic but not being a jerk. that’s precisely what I was trying to be clear about, but thanks for reiterating :)

Mmmm. Gravy covered cheese fries?! I still have not tried poutine. MAYBE we should have a guns for poutine drive. Like, you turn in your gun and someone gives you a plate of poutine. I am so into this idea. And hungry, so hungry.

Excuse me, America. Are you quite finished yet?

Agreed.