Lucky me, the minute I move away from NYC, my body suddenly doesn't really like booze anymore. Before moving, getting a DUI was such a huge nightmare scenario. Had I lived here in my 20s (ahem 0r early 30s ahem), I probably would have gone to jail at some point. Or longterm rehab, for sure.

I'm watching with the sound off. Assuming the audio matches the subtitles, this kid doesn't seem to be getting it. Too young, maybe? Can someone this young even internalize what her mother is trying to teach? My grandmother once told me about a bad man who put a kid in an oven (I think she was reading the newspaper),…

Don't lawyers pipe in on this site all the time admonishing us for agreeing to breathalyzer tests? Or is it only for talking to law enforcement or searching our homes/cars? I want to believe that Matt may have had a drink or two, or three, but was not too drunk drunk to drive. (Yes! I know that any amount of…

Maybe they were referring to is literal wandering eye? I must not have watched that season. So he was full-on drunk? Or had one of those half-a-glass-of-wine-over-the-limit deals? I wonder if he can drink less alcohol because of his size. This is just wikipedia, but the judge said, "I have found Mr. Roloff credible in…

Why do I remember her always being a controlling bitch? He just wanted to run his farm and have a good day. He once painted the front door to the house red. He was inspired by farm houses with red doors (and they lived in a farm house, so it makes sense, right?) Then she comes home from a work trip, i think, and has a…

Yeah? You heard that? On the radio you say? Must be a fact. How was it worded? "I heard from somebody that has a friend that lives in the Roloffs' town that Matt has an alcohol problem and a wandering eye." And then you come here and repeat. And then I go and tweet it out. Now Matt has an alcohol problem and fucks…

If I did this with my dog, his ass would explode all over my house. (In the middle of the night, of course, when I'm not awake to take him out.) Though, he can eat cat poop like it's health food.

So my friend's home alarm went off once. When she got home either the cops were already inside or waiting for her outside so they could check that the home was clear. In that case, my friend had no reason not to let the cops in (she lives in an nice, upper middle class neighborhood). The cops noticed a pair of 1960s…

Not buyin' it. I've been around on this earth long enough to know that some 98-99% of parents are not whipping out their kids' ding-a-lings in the middle of anywhere to urinate in cups. Bins in an alley? Maybe, I don't walk down many alleys. Bushes? I see that (with boys) far more often.(does that mean girls can hold…

This is what I'll show my friends back home when I explain how hard it is to meet guys in Austin. There are guys like this, and then about 80 percent look homeless (that leaves about 10 percent normal, not many of whom are single, obviously). On a recent trip back to NYC, I noticed 1 (ONE) guy out of a busy coffee…

Max Tucker lives in Austin, so you never know!

These puns are so funny i can hardly stop laughing. You can do this all day. I beg you to.

I've always a wanted a bumper sticker that says 'bumper stickers are for assholes.' But then i'd have to have a bumper sticker. And they're for assholes. (Most assholey of them all -my kid's a ...) Coexist bothers me the least. But it comes down to, do we always need to be advertising our beliefs every god damn waking…

I'm really interested in knowing where people are from when they respond to this post. When i moved from the northeast to the southwest, I found that people were much more likely to say hello in strange places like supermarkets and doctors' offices whereas in the northeast, it's a given that you don't bother people in…

Thanks for the spoiler, asshole.

Your reply is perfectly in line with the essay. It's all about you.

prison also has a way of researching colleges online and job hunting very difficult. He's resourceful. He'll figure something out.