egalitarian socialist barron trump for president 20-whenever-the-heck-he-turns-35

Even if that were true, which it isn’t, I don’t think I care about the safety of people who sign up to kill foreigners

See, much of me does not like Theresa May at all. But there’s no denying she’s a tough broad who won’t take shit, especially of this nature from this clown.

“anthropomorphic” climate change sounds like a real trip...

If I vote with my vagina and with my brain does that mean I get two votes? #askingTheRealQuestions

I’m actually somewhat less than an A cup. I basically did not acquire breasts during puberty at all. Womp womp.

Jenna Marbles is a superannuated high school mean girl. Everything she says is aggressive and negative. Tbh she sounds exactly like Freelee

As someone who found this mildly funny but mostly “eh”, I’d say my favorite brand of humor is tumblr meme absurdist bullshit. Like “tutant meenage neetle teetles”, and the fact that I know someone arranging a Chopin nocturne for 70 trombones.

This whole time I’ve been misreading that as Paganini and just accepting that everyone on Jezebel today would be comparing a pre-Romantic violin virtuoso to sandwiches.

Yeah, and then four people would be killed because of this instead of just three. That would totally make everything better. More death.

She’s also a fantastic pop songwriter. Her name is in the credits list for faaaaar more hits than the ones she’s sung herself.

But he’s l o v e l y to look at. I mean, if we’re being honest...

Is this a portion control thing? Like, only eat as much food as fits on three tacos? ‘Cause that actually makes sense to me.

He was at one fairly recent point engaged to Perrie Edwards from Little Mix, a girl group you should look up because their singing is t i g h t. I think Zayn and Perrie split up before Zayn quit 1D, not after. ...I don’t particularly follow pop star gossip so I’m not sure how I acquired all that information.

He still should be tried in juvenile court.

No child should ever be tried as an adult ever for any crime. The fact that we do this makes the very existence of a juvenile court worthless.

Yeah, if a fifteen year old can’t consent to sex then he didn’t truly consent to this plan either. I’m not saying he’s a nice person or even necessarily going to grow up to be one, but if he’s charged as an adult I will flip a table.

In immigrant cultures (like the US), names tend to come directly out of their language of origin, which is usually not the language spoken by everyone you’re likely to encounter. And foreign language pronunciation is hard. I have yet to meet a single American who can say my last name the Swedish way without adding…

WAIT IS IT SVEN SCOTT BECAUSE THAT LITERALLY MEANS SWEDISH SCOTTISH AND I WOULD DIE

Felix Fergus? Axel Allanach? Gunter Gilchrist? Björn Brodie?