Ten bucks says he was drifting.

I had a few jokes lined up, but then I thought maybe it would be insensitive, I mean...

Imhotep to present Jalopnik with recognition award, locusts.

#ToCatchAChariot

State Police Of Egypt Calls Jalopnik To Identify This Vehicle In Hit And Run Incident

Ugh, another lifeless Rocky movie.

Thanks, Jason Torpoosky, for sharing this crappy story with us.

Sketch shows prosecutor confronting Fieri with the "doggy bag of death" used to slay countless Americans' good taste in food and defraud of them of their hard-earned dollars.

Diners, Drive-ins, and DIES!!!!!

That's because he was wearing them on the back of his head.

That's as realistic a creation as Fieri.

Apparently the artist was absent on "drawing white sunglasses" day at the senior center art program.

I didn't realize the government shutdown would bring such an opportunity to fifth grade art students.

Seriously, he prioritized all the stuff that winds up in the freezer a year later because it's fucking inedible. And Mounds at #2, but Almond Joy (the same gross coconut piece of shit, but with delicious almonds) at 26?

Dr. J: Oh yeah, I liked her, she gave good head. Whenever I needed a blowjob, all I had to do was show up at her house. One day though, she had all this metal shit on her busted teeth and I couldn't fit my dick in there. So I stuck it in the other place.

Actually, I thought the comment was on point when it comes to Philadelphia. I remember watching that movie when it came out and thinking that some of the homophobia was over the top even for the time — I mean, they had lawyers telling stories in open court about beating up gay guys in the navy, and laughing about it…

"Rich guy drives expensive car cross-country faster then any other rich guy".

I'm not here from the safety brigade, but I do find Jalopnik's stance on street racing confusing:
"STREET RACING IS THE WORST THING EVER AND WE SHOULD FIND EVERYONE WHO DOES IT AND BEAT THEM WITH A STICK OMGOMGOMG"
"Look, this guy street raced for a reeeeeally long time, so now it's cool"
I'll admit that I find it kind…

Wow, um, it's a good thing those airline attendants have had cosmetic surgery in order to keep your dick hard in flight. I sure want to get on that airline knowing that they prioritize attractive looking service robots over people with excellent safety and service records. I hope that in the event of an emergency, you…