Sgt. McGruff, reporting for duty.

Schwoofeneggar, the Furminator?

@Magnetism: Neither do your evening shout-outs "Wut up, dawg!" when you come home from work. ;)

Well, Hero Dog won't be single for long. Them bitches love a dog in uniform.

For a minute there, I thought they wanted "Lesbian Roger".

@UnalteredTruth: Trump's solution was to plug the oil flow with hair plugs?

@countjackula: Let's see if this does any better than their first failed attempt to break into the pant-tertainment market: Hot Tub Capris.

@SagarikaLumos: Was that just before they were sealed in by this guy?

#corrections - "130mph *more* than the previous record-breaker."

DAMN HACKERS!

@Alexander Ward: Not to mention the fact that having a physical book published will lend you a lot more credibility than self-publishing your own digital copy. Good luck with your book!

@ScaryMerry: That's what I'd get for a reader if/whenever I get one.

The joke's on him. His grandfather reeeally didn't like him.

Careful... Don't whiz on the electric fence!

Oh, Billy! You're always late!

@ripfire4: Oh Billy! You're always late.

@Killjoy: I felt as though I had acquired the power to manipulate time and space when an Ikea salesperson directed me through one of the 'fake' doors into the next department as a shortcut.

This just in: Cheap impulse items displayed at checkout counters to encourage you to spend more.

Perfectly ruined by the razors. Double-edge razors or bust. (kudos to those of you who said straight razor, but you're on your own...)

I love my iron Underwoods and Royals. I'm up to 4 now, and there are still some gems out there at reasonable prices.