Dude, what. I hate Nintendo, and even I concede Nintendomination when it comes to handhelds.

Game Boy Advance SP is the best handheld of all time. That design! That library! That backlight!

Or that shithead on "Teen Mom" named Cate-Lynn.

I wasn't being racist at all. I've never seen the guy. It's just a dumb name.

P.S.: Vance is a dumb name too, unless you want your son to be the snooty antagonist of a 1980s movie.

If that was true, they'd say, "Today, let's refrain from violent movies, music, or video games, and instead choose to take in entertainment that focuses on connecting with our fellow man."

But it's not, it's just video games.

Translated: "It's an opportunity for gamers to say, 'Yeah, playing games like this will cause me to kill someone, so maybe if I turn them off for a day I can postpone the inevitable bloodshed that will result from enjoying a form of media that the people in charge of the news still don't understand.'"

Don't patronize…

But I hate sucking dicks. Does that mean I have to suck two dicks?

I remember seeing this on the Crunchyroll Facebook page. They were talking it up, like, "Masahi Kishimoto, yes, the Masashi Kishimoto, is designing an ORIGINAL CHARACTER for the new Naruto game!" I laughed pretty hard when they revealed the "original" character to be Mecha-Naruto.

As if anyone is surprised at all that…

I only know of these two videos, but I'm dying to know what the meme is called so I can find more.

It's especially annoying when they review games people buy for multiplayer, like Ghosts and BF4.

"Should you buy it? Maybe. We couldn't play multiplayer when we reviewed it."

THEN WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT IN REVIEWING IT

The story was cool, and the game was, of course, beautiful. What wasn't cool was that no matter what I did, the case turned out fine, and there was nothing to do in the city.

Now this is the feel-good story of the year. I'm already writing a screenplay about it. It's called, "Hahahaha! Fuck You, Hippies!"

Yes, Katherine Heigl is in it, and yes, of course "Walking on Sunshine" plays during the trailer.

Adam DeVine's crotch single-handedly kept Kotaku from the same fate as 1Up.

I do not know why you're making this political, when I haven't said anything liberal, or even conservative. I think everyone likes free speech. Maybe it just helps you to hate people more if you imagine them as supporting the political party you don't like?

Good point.

"We're making great progress, everyone. Also, Jesus doesn't like it when you research stem cells."

Most countries are about as free as the States these days (except in terms of gun control, but fuck talking about that on the internet), which is why it's so surprising when a civilized country like Germany or Australia says, "You can't say that."

Wait, this is a thing? That sounds fucking rad.

Which is super weird, seeing as how Australia was founded by criminals. You'd think they would be the baddest-assed country around, not a worse version of California.

"Any media, in any country..."

Shithead.

How in the fuck is any media, in any country, in 2013, being censored? This is not the Dark Ages.

Grow up, Earth.

So they actually did it, huh? I thought everyone on Battlelog was just pissing and moaning.

I hope they win. It will teach EA not to rush a game just so it can compete with Call of Duty.

It does make one wonder why there's a popular vote in the first place. Or a president, at this point.

Every five years, we should elect a bunch of random jerkoffs to be Congress, and let them fight it out. It would be sort of like jury duty. Hell, there would probably be more compromise between the uneducated,…