I, too, am a moron who goes to DEADSPIN when I want up-to-the-minute updates on NFL free agency.

Picking athletes to be role models? Are you 8 years old?

Fair enough.

For someone who only complains about Deadspin's content, you sure like visiting Deadspin.

I don't disagree, but in their defense, Salumi is really good.

"If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole."

You seem smart.

Look, I get the joke

Nailed it.

Considering the FB page has since taken down the link, I would assume they didn't get it the joke until reading about it here (or one of their followers told them).

He wanted to go to Alabama instead of Louisville, but his cousin told him he didn't have SEC seed.

Ken Griffey Jr. rarely hustled to first base either. He did just fine in Seattle.

The M's also signed Willie Bloomquist in the offseason. That should satisfy the people who masturbate to pictures of David Eckstein running as hard as his tiny little legs will carry him.

0:21 — "Excuse me sir, you can't park that here."

+1 peppermint roll

But I drink... hey!

Oh, honey...

I wouldn't feel THAT ashamed. Everybody used to like this guy. Then he turned into this.

I'm assuming Shawn Bradley isn't doing anything next weekend.