I want to be angry about this but the high schooler in me is like "why wasn't this a thing when my face broke out the night before picture day"

As I was reading this I was wondering if the honorable judge had been consulted before the publication of this piece. I'm glad her judgement was requested at the end at least. As merely a humble student of the shade master, I can only say that this *seems* to qualify as shade, but either way, GET IT VIOLA.

I am that crying baby today. I'm exhausted, PMSing, depressed because I just turned 30 on Monday and feel like I'm a failure at life for no reason, work is taking advantage of me again. I called my mom sobbing and she was basically the older brother in this video all, "Have you slept? Honey, you need to sleep."

Childhood is insisting you are too grown up for a nap. Adulthood is wishing desperately that you could squeeze in a nap.

She had her back done.

My husband is unemployed, and I am at my wits end. MY HOUSE SHOULD BE FUCKING SPOTLESS. He does nothing. Oh and we are separated but still co-cohabiting because he is unemployed and we don't have extra money for him to move out. FML.

It would be difficult for this comment to be any more smarmy or self-righteous. Must be hard to see all the little people from up on top of that high horse.

#not all pinnipeds

No one is treated with less respect, or less regard for their legally entrenched rights as workers, than retail clothing employees. Want a 4 hr shift at midnight, folding clothes for minimum wage? No? Well, then, you must not have the sort of go-getter attitude we're looking for at Nine Dollar Rayon Sarong Emporium.

At first I misread the sign as saying the employee had a minimum wage of 16 cents, then the light bulb went on that no, that was her RAISE. Duh.

FFS Trump. You smelly old sack seam! Even Bill Cosby is cringing because you're so gauche. Bill. Cosby.

Here's my question - why did nobody go back and edit this after the fact? They could have simply altered it to appear that Pullam was fired for leading the losing team - which happens a lot. Why leave this in now that its clear that Pullam might have had VERY good reasons for not calling Cosby?

Madonna spells about as well as I expected.

that's literally exactly what it was

oh god little babies in western gear what is wrong with me

I don't know, maybe they'll try him as an adult. It's all the rage.

GOD DAMN IT. If you cannot keep a firearm secure and under your control at all times, you should not own it.

If only there had been a good guy with a gun there to shoot that baby.

I read the book! Except I totally forgot about it until just now. I was reading your article thinking, I know this story... Did I already see the movie? Turns out I'm so traumatized I completely blocked the book out of my head. Thanks for reminding me!

He does! After seeing the movie he still came to my friend's party the same night and watched me tell jokes.