Here's the proud papa

food is not love," Ham says. "Most of what your pet wants from you is affection and attention."

What kind of fucking idiot asshole feeds their dog a diet of white castle burgers and pizza? I didn't click any of the links or watch the video so maybe that's a joke. If it's not a joke and the previous owner actually did that they should never have pets (or children) again. I hate to be That Commenter, but that's…

"Madonna has built her entire career on passing off other people's innovations as her own and making sure the original authors of things don't get as much credit for their work as she does." -Hillary Clinton

I can't be the only one who hears the lyrics as "amazing cunt", right?

How does one guide that? Like, I can see guiding a guy to your gspot, sure, but your clit? "IT'S THE FUCKING THING THAT STICKS OUT, YOU IDIOT."

Anna Wintour, is that you?

"Kanye also insists in the interview that Kim and Beyonce get along. "They love each other. They respect each other. [...] When Beyonce is working on her album she has pictures of Kim on the wall because Kim represents powerful women."

It's the lip gloss that's killing me.

And then they grow up into toddlers and discover that they can aim. My son peed in his own face in the bathtub last night. <facepalm>

Madeleine, it's totally literal. Changing boy baby diapers is like a race, you have to have a wipe ready in one hand while you pull down the diaper with the other, then quick, cover it with the wipe!

For 13 glorious seconds, there was nothing but pure joy in my heart. Because dog.

If it helps, my father once looked at me over the dinner table when I was thirteen and said - entirely politely and trying to be "helpful" - that we could probably afford a nose job for me.

I grew up in a mostly catholic country, just across the Andes from where the pope came from. I think he's an ass (I had heard of him before he came pope, when he declared a "war of god" against the LGBT community in Argentina) and this is a change for the worse in the church, because it's the same old shit with some…

way back in the day when my Catholic school human sexuality teacher asked all the kids who knew for certain that they were a direct result of the rhythm method to raise their hands, half the class did.

Thank you for making that point. While in the Philippines, Francis not only reaffirmed Humanae Vitae (which Paul VI wrote in spite of the recommendations of a commission formed by John XXIII), but also praised Paul VI for his courage. Color me unimpressed with the new pope.

See, this is why making priests celibate was a terrible idea. Now they're all like, "Hey, if I can do it, married couples can too." Cause the Catholic Church still considers contraception a mortal sin, and Natural Family Planning ain't exactly foolproof.

Or you could tell her that it is where you keep your gun locked up and that guns are for killing and you own that gun for shooting people dead. And that dead people are dead forever. Then you could teach her some actual gun safety in case she ever stumbles across your firearm.

Just riffing here.

You know the best way to avoid shit like this? Don't have guns.

So, being shitfaced is a defense if you are the one doing the raping, but if you were raped and had been drinking its your fault? Drinking as a guy = can't be guilty of rape; drinking as a girl = asking to get raped? Please excuse me while I bash my head against my desk.