Damn, what happened to the rest of my post?

K seems to be having its moment. Maybe orange will get to be the star after all!

I was just really obsessed with books and fictional characters, especially if it was historical fiction. I used to rope my sister into playing Oregon Trail and Civil War all the time. Oregon Trail meant tying our alligator seesaw to our pup tent (turned on its side) with a jump rope to represent our oxen and wagon.…

I grew up to be an accountant, not a murderer.

Helloooo fellow Young Geologist/Entrepreneur! I too sold our driveway rocks because they had sparkly, shiny flecks that I was positive would be a hot commodity. I set up our card table on the sidewalk with my piggy bank, a 'Beautiful Rocks For Sale' sign, and my 3 year old sister interning. My mom and elderly neighbor…

Oh, here's some more!

When I was 4, my dad and I went trick or treating with a group of kids and their parents. We were all getting coached on the rules of trick or treating. The "leader" of the group said, "Okay, now what do we say when they answer the door?" Everyone yelled (as you'd expect) "trick or treat!" Except me. I yelled, "OPEN…

When I was 9 and my sister was 7 my parents moved us from a suburbish area to the country to live on 10 acres of land in the forest bordered by a field. After building a house and moving in, my parents started making a garden. In the process of tilling up the ground we kept finding bones. Cow bones. As we were…

I was the kid who tried really hard to be the clown. Now, clowning, to me, meant to do things I was not supposed to, which was funny, right? I was highly inspired by the live action "Dennis the Menace" tv show, which I watched on Nick at Night.

When I was seven, I also drew a man and woman, anatomically correct and naked and stabbed with knives with the simple caption "YOU." I left the sketch taped to my grandfather's front door. He had just died, and my parents were selling his house. The realtor came by with a prospective couple, while I stood next door…

When I was definitely old enough to know better, I was utterly convinced that my parents switched off with exact doubles (possibly evil, possibly vampires) every other time they picked me up from somewhere. It was clear in my mind that or town must have two sides with a copy of my house and neighborhood for my real…

I get this. I think I knew better than to eat aspirin but with a concerned audience, I wanted to see what would happen.

I remember rubbing a bunch of chapstick on a piece of leather furniture when I was small before being caught. I had supposed that since Chapstick was helpful for my lips when they got leathery, that it would also soften a leather sofa pleasantly. I done supposed wrong.

I was a pretty weird kid, but a lot of those stories aren't funny-weird as much as signs of impending emotional disturbances.

When I was in second grade, I got in trouble for writing an essay declaring that I wanted to be a bond girl when I grew up. I thought it was a fabulous career choice because they wore pretty clothes , drove nice cars and got to smooch Bond. Unfortunately, the nuns and faculty at my Catholic school didn't agree and…

the vulture one is such a kid logic thing

I used to dress bananas up as "ladies" (this was achieved by scotch taping tissues around tip of the banana) and then steal a needle out of my grandmother's sewing kid and use it to poke holes into the banana stem. It made me feel SUPER excited, in a sort of proto-sexual way. I was about 6 or 7 when I did this, and as…

My mom was a postpartum nurse and my older brothers and I spent many days in the waiting room with other kids whose mommies couldn't find babysitters for last minute shift. On one day long visit I heard a woman in labor screaming and moaning like she was being murdered. I have never and will never give birth and this…

That's actually pretty cute. My parents didn't encourage my creepyness, I was just born that way. They actually told me to tone down my vocab when I started school because they were afraid other kids wouldn't like me.

This is terrible but I was 4. My mother was pregnant with my brother and the hospital had these classes for kids that were about to become older siblings. We got to put on scrubs and go to the nursery, etc. Well, we proceed to visit the new babies and the nurse holds one of the babies up to the window for us to see…