OK, so we do have something to thank Benedict for, aside from the awesome movies:

I worked really hard to get a 4.0 GPA in college and math was my biggest weakness. I saved the one math class I had to take for my very last semester of school and spent all semester telling my teacher how I couldn't ruin my 4.0 and also kissing butt. I worked hard, did all my homework, saw a tutor multiple times and…

I know I've got an answer to this question somewhere in my past, but I think I've filed all those memories under 'DNR' and they have been summarily repressed.

technically, this wasn't a lie, more of a deception, but here goes. I was born in another country but went to university in Australia. Because I didn't have permanent residency status, I was on a student visa, I was only allowed to work 20 hours a week. My classes started, and I was desperate to find a job. My savings…

When I was in high school, I had a best friend named Christine. One time, we went to the beach and on the way back we stopped at our favorite coffee shop to see our friends that hung out there. I had to get home by a certain time and she had driven, but she didn't want to leave so I had to call my Mom to pick me up.…

Once, in a fit of drunken derring-do, at the height of Riverdance mania, I convinced an entire bar in France that I was an accomplished Irish step dancer. I've never taken a lesson in my life.

In grade 7, band class was mandatory. I picked clarinet because I thought it was the easiest. I was still terrible. I went the entire year never playing it at all and just moving my fingers across the keys. My band teacher never noticed and I got good marks *puts sunglasses on*. http://gifrific.com/cat-putting-su…

At 18 I left the country for the week and told my parents I was staying with friends a couple of hours away because I was a dumb asshole teenager.

I SAID THAT I WAS AT THE BERLIN WALL THE NIGHT IT FELL DOWN, THAT I WAS MUGGED, AND THEN I MET THE POPE, AND THEN I SAVED EVERYONE FROM IMMINENT DOOM IN THE SECOND, THIRD, AND FIFTH IRAQI WARS.

Harder to escape when you don't have shoes.

Not pictured was the jacked up truck with Calvin pissing on something.

If MO is going to make me watch a video about risks of abortion, then why not create a video outlining the risks of all medical procedures?

I have often said that a lot of anti-abortion, anti-birth-control sentiment isn't really about "the babies," it's about fear of women controlling their own sexuality. How often do you hear pro-life, conservative politicians and talking heads decrying accessible sex education or contraceptives as "a pass to have…

I for one am tired of being on the defensive side of this shit. So, in the interests of something that both anti-abortion and pro-choice people can agree on, I am promoting the Finnish baby box. In Finland, every new mom gets either a baby box loaded with clothes and newborn supplies or 140 Euro, their pick,…

The stuff of the GOP's wet dreams.

. . . whoa.

Coincidentally, fear of potential boners is the reason men shouldn't wear yoga pants.

"I don't have a crystal ball," Moore said

I mean, if I were going to start legislating clothing, wouldn't you want to start with adults in cartoon character tee-shirts? Or Crocs? I mean c'mon. If you're going to fashion police do it right.

You will have to pry my yoga pants from my cold dead hands.