I will never understand the absolute disdain for black people so many assholes have. WHAT. IS. YOUR. FUCKING. PROBLEM.

I don't see a problem here.

Do you not eat them anymore? Is it because you graduated school? What about the drugs?!

Only if you eat your vegetables.

That is also amazing, but different (ayahuasca was more introspective - at least for me; opium was just like your whole being was smiling the Buddha smile and your body felt amazing but my brain wasn't having amazing insights).

I blame these recently hired cooks:

Aw, you've made flowers bloom in my heart where there was once only weed(s)!

But opium kills your appetite!

I think their tiny bellies have something to do with the concentration of odor. My smaller dogs have always had the worst farts. Like, burn-the-inside-of-your-nostrils bad.

YEAH, BUT IS THERE MSG IN IT BECAUSE I DON'T EAT THAT

People began getting suspicious when the Yelp reviews went from 1 star to a sparkling emerald dragon.

Hey man, his noodles are dope!

That's like saying a maxi pad is a swimsuit. Either way...

So, can I Saran Wrap my vag and call it a day? Or nah?

But god-for-fucking-bid anyone sees the tiniest hint of lady nipple.

My first husband did that.

My puppy farts and looks around the room for the culprit. Most dogs will look at their own butt and be like "WTF was that?" My dog doesn't even realize she made the noise.

No judgment here. It always turns me on when Blaine disappears.

Zhang's Noodles: OpiYUM!