THAT was your takeaway from those text messages? Mine was "this is a man with the brains of your average eight year old". If you think he didn't mean to hurt his kid, while beating him with a tree branch, and shoving leaves in his mouth... you're in AP's math class.

"Hey Man! My parents beat the shit out of me.... AND I TURNED OUT GREAT."

No dude, you turned out to be the kind of man who thinks its alright to beat up on a tiny kid.

Since there are photos of a small child that was whipped bloody, i think due process can play itself out with AP on the bench.

man, that adrian peterson really knows how to write!

"may be" more appropriate. he isn't convinced yet.

mines the "chicago buttholes". it works if you live in chicago, or don't, and are into buttholes, or not.

love it.

BOO!

i made a cool photoshop for this... and i can't even post it (it doesn't involve rape). this kinja update blows.

i don't know man, i think you are selling yourself short money hustard. if you dedicate a day to this, get up early, get your first one off at 6am. you could probably get three in before lunch.

maybe 7-10, if he's properly hydrated, good diet, lots of minerals, does some burpees, etc.

"you drink like a girl johnny, you pussy. cmon, chug motherfucker."

i feel like "white bimmer sedan" is too vague for jalops. i need more details on the offending new bimmer.

i agree... but... i think the average hamptons-area-brand-new-bimmer-owner doesn't care about the $12 a month insurance hike. And i imagine the best part of being that bimmer owner, is getting to tell someone like jerry seinfeld "hey. fuck your car buddy'.

lemon as number five? LEMON?

ugh.

This is probably the hardest i've laughed in the past month. And july was a pretty decent month.

he probably just doesn't know anything about music, and vampire weekend is his only pop culture reference.

his name is beetle, and he's bad as can.