Their names are Laura and Kassidee. They are twins from Nevada. This is their home improvement show on H&GTV.

That's nothing. My friend Romy and I invented Post-Its.

Did someone say "handsome ginger"?

Oddly enough, this is a picture of my crotch:

I agree. I've watched tons of "photo a day" videos and they're interesting, but not really emotional. This one actually had me tearing up. And I don't cry. The spot where my heart should be is a lump of coal enclosed in a block of ice.

Smirnoff Ice is Joe Francis.

(please?)

Well, next time you move (probably in order to cheat your landlord), you just try wrapping up your cheap-glassware stolen from the Applebees you got fired from in your iGalaxypadmac thing!!!

I am an opinionated, know-it-all and I've accepted that I'm an acquired taste. I have a handful of very close friends who appreciate the whole of me and around whom I can be myself. For the rest of the world I try my best to offer up a very censored version of my inner monologue. It is kind of tiring but preferable to…

I feel like people on Krokodil are gonna make the zombie apocalypse thing come true. They have speech impediments and rotting, falling off scaly flesh.

but how do we sleep while our beds are burning?

Almost a literal Stairway to Heaven.

"This is how I won Castro over."

Mom jeans: Pulling. them. off!

No judgements here. If you have a smartphone, and you tell me that you don't use it on the toilet, all that really tells me is that you're a liar.

A lot of people think it's strange that I keep my computer in my neighbor's pantry.

This is why.

I never go over there naked. No one eats pretzels naked.

I have to imagine whoever hacks my webcam will get bored pretty quickly. "I've been watching you smoke pot and cigarettes on your couch for the past five hours while you make friendship bracelets...what the fuck are you doing with your life?!"

Especially if it also meant they got to kill more puppies. They kill a LOT of puppies.

I hadn't heard of this, and now my google search history includes 'tina fey nip slip'.

What the fuck did you just say about bacon???