Reading this brought a tear to my eye.

Patrick George'd

Former Green Beret Highly Skilled at Difficult Extractions

OK, former trucker and mechanical engineer here. I just wanted to address this kluge-job, and answer a few of your questions:

The way I see it, if you’re gonna turn a robot that shreds tires into a car, why not do it with some style?

“runs out at what we call Ferrari revs, so around 9500 rpm.”

No, you don’t. Not when he’s had eight years to do something -- anything, especially as he brags about his “record” as an executive even when his constituents have plenty of evidence that all he’s done is throw them repeatedly under the bus — and he literally did nothing.

I always thought that was weird, but I read it either on a Trivial Pursuit card or Snapple bottle cap, so it has to be true.

Please let him die on Christmas Day.

“Why did you turn?”

INTERIOR: PRISON SHOWER

But you need to go to the office. That's where the internet spigot is.

Taking all that SUV size for granite. Drivers must have rocks for brains.

If he didn’t want to be groped, he shouldn’t have been wearing that hat.

Bonus: There is a giant sit-on jackalope in this bar, just like the one on Dirty Sixth but with approximately 42.069% less sorority vomit.

Yo, congrats to you and the rest of your crew for standing up for what you believe in.

Thank you for this, I have spent all morning looking for a website to tell me who won last night’s game.

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”