Does this come with free vagina crystals and Measles?

So, is Gwyneth Paltrow going to be our next VP?

“I’m not good with compliments, especially about... stuff.”

Considering they were able to get Mindy a LOT of cocaine, Jason is probably stoned 420% of the time

I’m at the point that anything they don’t want I have to automatically support until I see how bad it is and then I really want it. It’s this or the wall gentlemen, choose wisely. 

What kills me is there are so many people who identify with the BILLIONAIRES in the billionaires vs. everyone else scenario. They envision the government coming in and taking whatever huge percentage on their $50k/year salary and are suddenly like, OH NO PROTECT THE BILLIONAIRES! What is the quote, they are all…

Here is the problem. Woke culture tries to say shit like Booksmart is funny.

Now you are saying stuff that is just not true. Booksmart is awful and has no jokes.

So last week I was at the live show of My Brother, My Brother and Me in Washington, and at the start of the show it was announced that video and audio were prohibited, but photography was not - except no flash photography.

When I went to take a photo during the show the usher told me I was not allowed. I told her I…

It always amazes me when these illiterate bullies go after firefighters and paramedics. Even in this shit society there is a line and you have clearly crossed it. It’s a shame no one gives a fuck about prostitutes and hobos and brown people, but everyone loves firefighters and paramedics.

Perhaps it was one of the KFC doughnut buns? Because, you know, cops...

Who’s ever heard of a cop overreacting when their tyrannical unreasonable demand is ignored?

A cop on a power trip over nothing? What a surprising development this is not.

“I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.”

I mean all the puns are funny I guess, but this is still the exact kind of batshit crazy, inexplicable behavior we tolerate from our police in this country. Something definitely needs to change.

What an overreaction. She should thank her lucky stars she didn’t try to grab a doughnut.

This is what I don’t get - if the hot dogs were in the break room at the hospital, it’s not like they were *his*, either.  Why did he give a shit if she wanted a hot dog when someone else already said she could have one?

ACAB

Cop probably thought those were pork hot dogs and felt threatened.

It was a pork hot dog and the cop just couldn’t abide to see his kin consumed in front of him.