something something Flop

IT guy here (clearly). Do yourself a favor and ALWAYS clear out your history and close out anything you don’t want me to see before starting a remote session because when I take control of your machine I’m going to know what you’ve been up to! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! But really I want to be remoted into your machine as badly…

The Navy gets dumped on for being soft an awful lot, but when it comes time for them to do what they do best it is goddamn impressive and badass on a whole other scale. The Air Force (commonly, not creatively, referred to as the Chair Force) isn’t as visibly badass because that’s the point. What makes them so lethal…

Pay no attention to the happy man behind the wheel. This Elio looks like a younger sibling

No. No. I’m really not.

I’m a man of many spreads if you will. If the train is empty and I feel like splaying myself across two seats for the sake of doin’ it...I do it. But when seats are at a premium I behave as though other people don’t want me knockin’ knees with ‘em. I also catch tons of shit because I cross my legs “like a girl” as…

They could also highlight the gentleman on the right with the tagline “Manspread...within reason”

This should be a teeshirt

I’ve gotta be mis-remembering...I’m looking at old pics from my phone (though not the one in question) and it had to have been only 5 stars.

Ok I’m not sure if I’m going nuts here and I’m asking my brother for photographic evidence to make sure but I recall earning 6 stars in gtaV a few times by hiding behind the glass elevator in the subway and wasting swat cops in waves. I took a picture and sent it to him a while back but I never knew 6 stars wasn’t…

Ha! Yeah he murders on his own time. “We don’t pay you to murder! Get back to work!”

Fuck Tommy

30 minutes or less or your hostage negotiation is free!

Fuck Tom

“What does the ‘z’ even stand for?”

“[pause]...Nothing! You’re over-thinking it!”

I am on the fence here as someone who makes hiring decisions and as a father with a child who only just finished going to a preschool. My daughter’s teacher was roughly my age and she used to roll eyes and vent about the frustrations of a classroom full of ankle-biters and I would smile and sympathize because GOOD GOD…

My kids (5 and 7) piss and moan when I turn their shitty Netflix Kids shows off to watch hockey (IT’S THE PLAYOFFS! GAME 7! GO TO YOUR ROOM!) Prior to this I spent about 5 minutes rooting around my room looking for a pair of “lucky underwear” which, once found, was promptly put on and the kids pointed and “ew”d whilst…

and ending up in Anacostia will ana-cost-ya your life.