This makes me so giddy I can't even. I was lucky enough to get to be in the video, and it was as awesome as you might think it was. It was very strange to have mom jeans cut off of me and then strategically fastened back together with strapping tape - and then, well, you saw the rest. I look like a friggin' idiot,…

...line...

And yet, it could still make more facial expressions than Kristen Stewart. . .

The map gets funnier if you imagine they were all named after the same 6 or 7 wandering tent-revival preachers.

This is what was going on inside my head as I read Gretchen's card...

Every day I roll out of bed, put on what's clean and comfortable (Usually off my floordrobe) and just wear that. I have good uni marks, a pretty boyfriend and a decent job. AM I DO SYSTEM WRONG?!!!11one

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Nope, sorry. This is now and forever will be the song of Fall.

You are probably a super taster, and I've actually heard that occupational therapy can help with that. If you care enough. I think you can acknowledge that you are not eating a balanced diet. If you want to be able to incorporate healthy things in, you can work on your aversions through therapy. Again, if it matters…

I think parents who won't let their kids leave the table actually contribute to picky eating. There are lots of other ways to get kids to like veggies. Let them help grow them. Let them help prepare them. These things vest kids in eating what they helped prepare.

The five best compliments Dweeze's dick has gotten:

The wedding industry consultant person thinks it's OK to goat the person who didn't give you a gift into admitting it

Yeah. I was in a philosophy graduate class, and the professor, a scruffy dude in shorts, said of the female philosophers like Cixous, "Yeah, I don't really understand these female things. Does anyone here have any insight into what is going on?"

Naw, man. Just spread the word that everyone should treat their first girlfriend like they're not ashamed of her. If she's good enough to bang, if she's good enough to give you rides, if she's good enough that you like crashing on her futon and having her make you coffee, then she's good enough to meet your mother.

Shout-out to Bunnicula! WOOT!

I carded a dude once in a social situation. Granted, I was drunk at a college party, and he was trying to take my friend to his home, and the fact that he didn't live near campus set off alarm bells. He was 25 and didn't know anyone at the party. No regrets there.

A birth certificate????? Raise your hand if you know where your birth certificate is. Oh, no one's seen it since they had to prove they were under 12 to play in the Babe Ruth world series? Ah, okay.

I would just like to state that I have read this entire ad.

NORMALLY HULK WOULD SAY "HULK SMASH" IN THIS INSTANCE, BUT THIS TIME IT SEEM TOO EASY FOR HULK.