I have trouble taking the task seriously. I would start every entry with "Captain's Log, Stardate ..." and I would use astronomical euphemisms. Warp 9 would imply a particularly important pursuit, while Warp 5 would be the pretty standard rate of going at it. Sector 001 and the Neutral Zone would both signify…

Easy! Just wear one of these to protect your identity.

Every once in a while, I learn something useful in church. One Sunday, my pastor asked us to consider the possibility that, even if we can't forgive someone, perhaps we could just say "I don't know why they did that."

BeyonceIsTheLastUnicorn
~ and ~
CrunchyCon
cordially invite you to join them in their
Money Spinner
~ to be held on ~
Tuesday
because it is cheapest
~ at the ~
Best Western off the Airport Ramp

Please enclose a $50 bill, no checks, with your R.S.V.P. no later than
the Monday before the Money Spinner.

P.S. We will be paying…