HGTV by way of Faulkner is the single best descriptor I've ever read.

I know this is not the point of the article, but MAN they really tried to shoehorn that acronym in. That is one clunky acronym. If you have to try that hard to make an acronym work, guys, it's okay if you just call your program Prosper by itself.

“Friend” takes this to a whole new level.

John Fogerty would be so fucking offended you think CC&R sang Sweet Home Alabama.

“Oh, damnit, Johnny, you know I love my big beef and cheddar”

“They should have an IQ test before people are allowed to vote! Say, I wonder if there were ever any polling tests in the past.”
*reads history*
“...I’m so sorry. Forget I said that. Oh hell.”

How is fammly formed?

YES IT’S TOTALLY FINE OK!!

Wait...that’s not ok?

All hail Aspartame!

But I was already farting with abandon.

I have one too. I call it “Cheesy Mouse”. Although come to think of it, I mostly grate cheese with my box grater and then use Cheesy Mouse as a container to store the leftover bit.

My house was all about the egg fried in bacon grease

Real talk: the disdain of “in-between shit” is often why people binge on diets. “I’m already eating unhealthy with my entree, might as well get the potato skins too - none of this in-between shit, that’s ridiculous!”

eating a salad as a full meal is like eating whispers

I can just imagine the conversation:

BRB OFF TO LEARN HOW TO TAT LACE

I think we have a very angry progressive base. Possibly an out for blood base.

The thing is, he’s a completely bald-faced liar. Wisconsin has enjoyed a tradition of honest, workmanlike politicians - both Democratic and Republican- for so many years that when a lying, amoral twerp like Walker comes along, many of these good, trusting salt-of-the-earth people actually take him and his Eagle Scout…

Less than half of Wisconsinites are awful. His approval ratings here are tanking, and let’s not discredit the people who have been showing up by the hundreds, and even thousands, to protest this fucker basically the entire time he’s been in office. Wisconsinites also packed a crowd about 10,000 deep at a rally for…